Skeletons in My Closet

EDIT:
Because of a comment by someone, I feel the unnecessary need to clarify "Saint" as used in my original title. I was NOT referring to ME as a "holy person", such as St. Peter. I was merely referring to me as a saint....a believer in Christ, not perfect, but trying to be better each day (similar to Paul's reference in the Bible when he referred to the people of a certain area as "saints"....as in a group of believers). I am sorry for anyone that misunderstood my "saint" reference.

Now, back to the blog post......enjoy!

You know that proverbial saying - "We all have skeletons in our closet", right?  I'm sure some skeletons can tell bigger tales than other skeletons.  Perhaps this post would be better served if I did it in the Spring....where we could all clean out that "closet" and get rid of those skeletons as part of our Spring cleaning.  But then there's that other saying - "There's no better time like the present" - or something like that.  So, here goes.....!

I recently posted something on my Facebook page about "don't judge me. Love me and accept me but don't judge me."  I thought more about that post the last few days.  Those thoughts have been nagging away at me until I finally decided to sit here and "confess" to all of you. Like I said in my Facebook post - I'm not perfect.  I've never claimed perfection.  However, not many people post their failings and disappointments all over social media.  We WANT people to think we're "perfect" or live a super great life.  We don't tend to let people into the "mess" of our lives.  If I know company is coming over, I grab the vacuum cleaner and get the floors done.  I may even grab a cloth and get the shelves dusted.  I will certainly clean off the counter tops, and fluff the pillows on the couch and even open the blinds to let the sunshine in!  I want you to see my house looking NICE and CLEAN. Isn't that how we present OURSELVES, too?  Now, mind you, that's NOT A BAD THING. I really don't want to answer the door with morning breath and my hair sticking in a hundred different directions.  I don't want to scare anyone and cause them not to like me or not want to come over anymore.

Maybe that's why we keep those skeletons in that closet....because if we introduced them to everyone, well, they just may run the other direction (the people, not the skeletons!). I think sometimes we like to look at certain people and say, "Man, I wish I had the perfect life that they have" because we want to hope that our own lives could be better.  But, if we knew their skeletons, we would know that person is just as "normal" as we are.

I was once trying to get a point across to our then teenage daughter. I don't remember what the message was that I was sharing with her but during this little "talk" with her I mentioned how I had tried alcohol when I was younger (it went along with the moral of the story). Well, that skeleton kind of freaked her out.  She lost the whole message, the whole moral of the story, because she was stuck on the fact that her "perfect" mom had tried alcohol before.  She just couldn't get past the fact that I wasn't "perfect".  (Side note - she's fine now and still loves her "IMperfect" mom. ;) ).

My husband and I were raised in the same religion and yet came from completely different backgrounds.  His family was very religious - church every week, family prayer, family scripture study, mom and dad happily married, etc.  My family, on the other hand, was just the opposite. I don't want to throw anyone in my family under the bus so I'll just say that we didn't do anything like my husband's family did.  In fact, my parents divorced when I was about two so I don't even know what it's like to have a father in the home.

Anyway, I experienced different things in my growing up years than my husband did.  I was a cheerleader (school mascot) in high school.  I would go to all the parties after the football games. Everyone knew I was the "good Mormon girl" and didn't drink so when we played the drinking game "Quarters" people liked sitting by me because when I got my quarter in the shot glass, the person sitting NEXT to me got to drink my shot. So, was I REALLY the "good Mormon girl"?  In a word, yes.  In action?  Perhaps I shouldn't have been at those parties but I REALLY wanted to be accepted and have friends.  I was always looking for love in all the wrong places (and if you just sang that line to the music then you and I are meant to be friends forever!).  

It wasn't until after high school that I tasted alcohol.  I tried beer with my high school sweetheart. That's the most nasty tasting stuff ever.  I suppose there's worse tasting stuff but I never went THAT far. I tried champagne once and didn't like it either.  I just wasn't meant to be a drinker - for which I'm glad for that.

I never did drugs, worried about STD's, smoked cigarettes or even used foul language.  I was, for all intents and purposes, a 'good girl'.....I just lived a different life than my husband.  I even wore a bikini at one point in my life (when I had the body that looked good in a bikini! Now I should probably wear a mumu!).

Well, these "skeletons" came out of the closet while I was dating my future husband.  He, at one point, said to me, "I don't think I can handle your past."  I remember that evening.  I looked at him and said, "I've been judged once by the Lord. I will NOT be judged by you" and I turned and walked away.  He later talked to his bishop (ecclesiastical leader) - who also happened to be his brother - and sought his advice.  Keep in mind, my "past" that he was referring to happened BEFORE I served an 18 month mission for my church, BEFORE I was truly converted to the Lord, BEFORE I had a deep testimony of the Gospel.  His bishop/brother, in all his wisdom, looked at him and said, "What are you looking for? She is a return missionary.  She has a testimony of the Gospel. And she wants an eternal family. What more do you want?"  I will be forever grateful to that brother-in-law and the counsel he gave to my future husband.

I had a friend tell me about a situation with her daughter.  She and her daughter and her daughter's friend were talking.  They shared how one of their friends had done something "bad" with his girlfriend. Then both girls said they could never date a guy that would do something like that (a morality issue) because it's against what they believe.  She told them 'Then why bother repenting if he's just going to be judged for his mistake for the rest of his life?  Doesn't the Atonement take care of our sins?'  I guess that "woke" those girls up real quick.  She said they looked really shocked that they hadn't thought of that point.

From a religious standpoint - that mom is correct.  Doesn't the Atonement of Jesus Christ take care of our skeletons?  Isn't our closet cleaned out when we repent?

From a non-religious standpoint (and a religious one, too, I guess) - do we really want to keep living in our past?  Do we want or allow our past to dictate our future?

Notice how skeletons have no meat on them?  They are dried up, brittle bones.  They have no substance to them and are of no use except on Halloween when you decorate your house with "scary" stuff.  That's exactly what our past mistakes, past bad decisions are....dried up, brittle and of no use. We can certainly LEARN from our past.  But to carry those skeletons with us wherever we go?  That just seems pointless.  What a burden to bear, an unnecessary burden at that.


I'm going to access this from a religious standpoint - but please feel free to apply it to your life as you see fit.  I am not perfect.  I have made many mistakes in my life.  My growing up years were difficult. I made decisions that I regret.  I can't undo what's been done.  I can live in regret and never feel true happiness.  I can reveal all my sins to you and let you judge me (as is human nature, I guess) and perhaps seeing my flaws will make you feel like a better person because "I would never have done what SHE did." I can let those skeletons dictate my life - afraid people will see them and run from me and avoid me.  I can never forgive myself and live miserably because of my past.

OR

I can apply the Atonement of Jesus Christ to my life.  I can know He loves me regardless of my past. I can walk tall, with my head held high, knowing I am on the right path.  I can learn from my past and create a better future.  I can know that I've been forgiven by the one that matters most and I need to forgive myself.  I can admit that I am not perfect but will continue to try and be a better person each day.  I can love myself - because I am worthy of being loved.





I am NEVER ALONE....and neither are you.

Close that closet.  Those skeletons aren't there.....the Lord took care of them.

Much love,
Your imperfect friend,
Debbie