Strangers on This Road of Life

My husband and I went to our local beach one evening (it's about a forty minute drive).  We went to the sunset market and enjoyed stopping by the different vendor booths, tasting different foods, meeting new people and in general, just having a relaxing time.  It also helped that there is a booth that provides chocolate covered strawberries at an EXCELLENT price AND TASTE!  We each purchased a dinner item (the hand-rolled sushi is to die for!) and looked for a place to sit. There was a table (a 'stand-up-and-eat' table) with a man and one of his friends standing, eating their food. I asked if we could share their table. "Sure! Come on over!" was the response. He was a Samoan man with a lot of personality.  He started telling us about his meal - deep fried alligator. He said how delicious it was. So, being the person I am, I reached toward his plate and as I'm doing so, I say "Now you know I'm going to steal a piece of your food to see what it taste like".  He just pushed his plate toward me and said, "No need to steal it. I'm offering some to you!"  So, I tasted deep fried gator from a "stranger's" plate.  It was like we were old friends!


Speaking of friends, no sooner had I tasted gator from his plate, a friend of HIS walks up, they give each other a "guy hug" and chat for a second.  This new guy sees my sushi and says, "I was thinking about getting some of that. Is it any good?"  I assured him it was delicious and offered him a piece of my sushi.  Well, he looks at me, looks at the sushi and then looks around....then says to me, "Uh, how am I?...uh, what should..." (he was trying how to take the food off my plate in a 'polite' way). I looked at him (a tall, handsome, black man with cute dreadlocks) and said, "You're just gonna have to pick it up because I'm not feeding you!" He laughed (so did my husband!), took some sushi and that was that.  We met a few strangers and became friends instantly.

I know, I know.  What does this have to do with anything? Sometimes we look far and wide for new experiences when in reality, some experiences are waiting for us in our own "backyard". This little homegrown California white girl meets a Samoan and a black man and together we are friends.  Size, age, ethnicity, skin color....none of that mattered.  We were just fellow travelers on this road of life.

A few months ago I stayed the night at my mother-in-laws house (she lives about an hour from us). I had an early morning race and her house was close to the race, so I stayed with her. Before going to her house for the night I went to dinner at the Olive Garden Restaurant to load up on carbs. It was a Friday night so the wait was pretty long. However, there was no wait at the bar and they served a full menu there. So, I grabbed a seat at the bar, ordered my meal and started reading the book I had brought with me.  A few minutes later an older gentleman took the seat next to me and ordered a drink. He started up a conversation and we chatted.

82nd Airborne Division
credit: Google search

I explained that I had a race in the morning and was there to fill up on carbs. He had just left a meeting for volunteers (and if he ever reads this he'll be disappointed that I can't remember the name of the military organization he referred to. Oops!)  As we talked I found out that he was a former paratrooper in the army. I told him that my daddy was a paratrooper, too! We were practically kindred spirits after that. We talked about his service in the military and tried to figure out if he and my dad were in the same infantry (which I later found out they WEREN'T in the same infantry but we were still kindred spirits!).

Paratrooper wings - my Daddy
got his paratrooper wings!

Anyway, we continued talking as our food was served and we ate. My bill arrived and David, the gentleman's name, took it. I told him it wasn't necessary for him to pay my tab but he insisted.  He said it was the least he could do for a me since my dad was a fellow paratrooper. What he said was much more eloquent than that and touched me deep but I don't remember his exact words. I just remember how I felt when he said what he said and insisted on paying my bill. I thanked him and left.


What this stranger, turned friend, DIDN'T know is that I was having an inward struggle that evening. My mom had recently passed away one and a half months prior. My parents were divorced. My dad had passed away about 19-20 years ago. It was Friday, the 13th. I was driving in a part of Orange County where my mom had driven many times. I had to mail a letter and the closest post office was the exact post office my mom had her PO box for many years. As I was driving those same streets my mom had driven and going to the same post office where she had gone I began to feel hurt, anger, frustration. I felt like my mom had 'abandoned' me. I cried as I was driving and had a 'conversation' with my mom asking her why this and why that.

So, David, having no idea what I was experiencing, stepped up and paid my bill because of my dad and his kinship as a paratrooper. I felt as if my daddy was saying, "It's ok, honey. I'm here for you." I know my mom was there for me, too.  However, in that instance, and the emotions I was struggling with, it was so appropriate to feel my daddy's love. David made that happen and he didn't even know.

The point here is we are all strangers travelling this road of life together. There are times when we feel alone and lost and abandoned. We feel like no one cares, no one will listen. I'm here to tell you that we are NEVER ALONE. There is always someone, something placed in our path to let us know we are not alone. Every stranger is actually a friend we just haven't met yet.

Next time you're out and about, whether it's on a trip or right in your own neighborhood, reach out to someone. You may even need to step out of your comfort zone, and that's ok. Just do it. Be a new friend to a stranger. Say hello. Smile at someone as you pass. Be the person that someone goes home and says or post on Facebook or tweets, "This complete stranger did this or this for me and I felt so blessed by him/her" causing you to want to do the same to another stranger some day.



Remember, you are NEVER ALONE, especially when YOU are the one creating happiness for someone else.

Much love,
Debbie

Is your puzzle complete?

Have you ever started working on a puzzle and then thought part way through, "This is harder than I thought it would be!"?  Some puzzles are easier than others, right?  As a child we start with those big chunky puzzle pieces.  Maybe 10 pieces altogether.  As we get older we may advance to the 100 piece puzzles, then move up to 500 and then eventually 1000 piece puzzles.  Did you know you can even do electronic puzzles?  Seriously, I discovered a puzzle "game" on my Kindle.  It's pretty cool, actually.  Some people stick to themes.  Maybe only do animal puzzles or food puzzles or castle puzzles.  Then there's me....I just do puzzles, ANY kind of puzzles.  I find them fun and even challenging.  I just did a 1000 piece Disney puzzle that was VERY challenging.  It didn't have the straight edge boarder that most puzzles have.  It even had CUTOUTS throughout the puzzle!!  Ya, it was a challenge. BUT, I finished it!



The most recent puzzle I completed was a picture of Christ.  It was almost as difficult as the 1000 piece Disney puzzle and yet it only had 500 pieces.  The reason it seemed more difficult was because it didn't have a whole lot of different colors.  It was either a lot of green, brown or tan.  There were some other colored pieces that had multiple colors in them....it was His hair.  So, really, no big help there, either.  I, of course, did the border first.  That proved a bit difficult because I was doing it in an area of the house where the lighting wasn't all that good AND some of the pieces 'kind of' fit' where they didn't belong.  Had I had proper lighting I would have noticed certain pieces didn't belong there because the shade of green didn't match the adjoining pieces.  When I realized the edges weren't matching up, and the puzzle was becoming more and more difficult, I found a flashlight and looked closer at the puzzle and saw a few mismatched pieces.  That's when I also realized that I needed to not just match pieces but shades of the right color as well.  ALSO, some of those mismatched pieces clearly didn't belong but, because of the poor lighting and in my haste, I 'made' those pieces fit.  Upon closer inspection, I could see the gap between the wrong pieces, made the correction and moved on. And that was just the border!

As I'm working on the rest of the puzzle I was getting a bit discouraged.  There were sooooo many green pieces with slightly different color variations and it just seemed impossible, and I mean REALLY impossible!  But, I am not one to give up easily so I trudged onward.  I soon noticed a pattern.  As I was looking for the 'next piece' I discovered that the previous few pieces in the row I was working on were in a pattern of 'two prongs' then 'four prongs' or something like that.  So, I did something that anyone with OCD would appreciate and understand....I separated my puzzle pieces into groups.  Not color groups as I had been doing but rather by shape.  All 'one prong' pieces in this area, 'two prongs' in this column, '3 prongs' in the next area, etc, until all the pieces were out of the box and neatly organized around the border of the puzzle on the table.

So, I ORGANIZED my 'mess' and started trying to find the pattern in each row I worked.  Now, some of you may be thinking "That's how I do it all the time!"  Well, not me.  I mean, I HAVE done it that way before but not so early on in the puzzle.

As I continued putting the pieces together I saw the finished product coming along.  I had the box cover to follow if I needed direction so that was good, too.  I wasn't left alone in my quest to complete this puzzle, I had some sort of direction.

When I completed the puzzle, I sat back and admired the beauty of what I had just completed.  Not only the 'joy' of finally finishing (it took a few days) but of what the actual puzzle picture was....a BEAUTIFUL picture of Jesus Christ.  Then it hit me.....a blog post.

Like I said, the Disney one was difficult because of the odd shaped border and the cutouts.  However, there is writing on some of the pieces and many different colors so I was able to match things up quicker. As you look at the puzzle of Christ you may wonder why I thought it was so difficult. But if you were to have been in my seat, putting the pieces together was more difficult because there was less "direction" to match things up to.



Here's the "lessons" I learned from the puzzle of Christ:

First - Always start with the basics (the border). You figure out what your 'basics' are....family, church, prayer, work, friends....whatever it may be in your life.

Second - Don't just try to make things fit in your life (correct puzzle pieces in the right place). Sometimes we try and put things in our lives that aren't necessary but we do it anyway. Sometimes what we want in life just isn't right. Quick example - I dated a guy my senior year of high school. We weren't the same religion but he eventually converted to my faith and was baptized. I had received a special blessing when I was 16. This blessing gave me direction in life (Patriarchal Blessing) and blessings I could receive as I was obedient to the Lord. In this blessing it suggested that I would marry a man that had served a mission (in so many words). I wanted my high school sweetheart to be the man I married so I encouraged him, even pushed him to go on a mission. He wanted nothing to do with a mission. I kept pushing and prodding him to go. I was trying hard to make that puzzle piece fit in the puzzle of my life. We later ended up breaking up. He was a great guy and no, he never served a mission.

Third - Don't ever give up when things get tough (pieces not fitting together). We will all experience trials and challenges in our lives. Hopefully we learn and grow from them but NEVER just quit because it's "too hard". Get out that "flashlight" and see what's really going on. Examine your life, the choices you're making, the things you're doing. You just may find that things are difficult because YOU'RE making it difficult. Sometimes we just need to step back and see where we need to change, and then MAKE THAT CHANGE (I know, easier said than done, right?). Our challenges will never go away but we just may learn how to better navigate the next challenge/trial we face.

Fourth - Organize yourself (put the pieces in groups). If we prioritize our life and the things we do, put them in a specific order, what ever order your life requires...which is different for everyone, then it may not seem so overwhelming. And if it IS overwhelming then organizing the "chaos" will make it seem less overwhelming and more manageable. Find a pattern that will help you navigate your way. Put your ducks in a row and keep plugging away.

Fifth - Have a direction or something/someone to direct you (the completed picture of the puzzle). Just as I had the puzzle box to help me, we were not sent to this earth alone to simply figure things out by ourselves. We have the Savior. We have His written word (the scriptures).  We have prophets and apostles (living and dead) that have given us guidance and counsel. We have local leaders that can help us figure things out. WE ARE NOT ALONE. Even our parents can give us direction.

And, finally, as I was nearing completion of this puzzle I noticed that it looked good even without the last few pieces of His eye....but how much better and more calming it looked when the Lord was complete. That stands true in life. When we have the Lord COMPLETELY in our lives, no matter what challenges, trials, or difficulties we may face, we can know that we are NEVER ALONE.

May the pieces of your life's puzzle come together nicely and may we all help each other along the way. And most importantly, may we always remember and never forget that we are NEVER ALONE.

Much love,
Debbie

What's in a word?

There are some words you hear and a specific definition comes to mind.  For me, chocolate -- pure deliciousness!  To others, chocolate could bring to mind being over weight or cavities and a visit to the dentist.  How about exercise?  I think of feeling good.  You may think of sweat and being out of breath.  There are so many words we could go over and find different meanings.  But there is one, in particular, that has been on my mind recently.


Not too long ago I was at a church meeting.  A question was brought up about how we can get the Atonement deep into the heart of others, or something along those lines.  Then we started discussing the Atonement.  It was more of a congregation/audience discussion.  The discussion leaned toward how the Atonement helps us 'wipe' away our sins.  Things were discussed on how we can teach our children to know that although they sin, they (we) can remember the Atonement and all that Jesus Christ did for them (us).  My 18 year old son even shared an experience he had with an issue in his life that, if not taken care of in it's early stage, could have become a big problem.  He shared how he knew his parents loved him and he could trust them and go to them for help.  So he related how having a close and trusting relationship with your parents is one way to help "get the Atonement deep into the hearts of others".


I was fine with the discussion and everything everyone had shared. However, something kept nagging at me in the back of my mind.  The congregation was really concentrating on how the Atonement helps the sinner be free from sin, or how it helps the sinner understand that Christ died for our sins and how if we look to Him and sincerely change our ways, we can be forgiven.  Yes, I believe that.....but I also believe the Atonement is MUCH MORE than being forgiven of our sins and yet, no one was talking about that.

Sure, we can go into the detailed definition of the Atonement.... At-one-ment....being one with God by overcoming sin through repentance.  Although that is true, it is really only PART of the definition of the Atonement.  Yes, as humans we all sin, right?  We ALL need the Atonement of Jesus Christ to repent of our sins and come unto Christ.  But, I submit to you, the Atonement is not only for the sinner.  The definition is deeper and more profound than that.  If we truly look into what the Atonement is all about, we see that Jesus Christ not only "paid the price for our sins" but He also took upon himself all our sorrows, all our worries, all our pain.

When we are feeling lonely - Christ knows what that is like.  Many times in His life, he was alone - even when surrounded by others - He was "alone"

When we are hungry, maybe even starving - Christ fasted for 40 days.  He knows what it feels like to be hungry.

Betrayed?  Yep, Christ was betrayed....remember Judas?


Pain?  I'm sure having nails hammered into your hands and feet is pain beyond measure.  He knows pain.

He knows how it feels to be spat upon, ridiculed, made fun of, taunted, rejected.  Jesus Christ experienced more in His 33 years of life than most of us will ever experience in 100 years.  And really, if you think about it, He even knows what it's like to be a "step-child" or an "adopted" child (think about that one for a moment).

Jesus Christ atoned not only for our sins, but for every aliment known to man.  He may not know what it's like to have cancer or some other modern day disease, but He knows our pain and our sorrow that will accompany it.

Toward the end of this open discussion I raised my hand.  I shared with the congregation an experience one of my older brothers had with his excommunication from the church (Mormon church) over 30 years ago and his journey back "into the fold" and his re-baptism about three years ago.  I shared how this brother is now attending the temple and is much happier in life (not free from problems or pain, but just basically happier).  My point was how it affected my children.  I explained how my husband's side of the family is basically "good Mormon's" living the gospel and how MY side of the family is almost just the opposite and I wondered how my children would receive my side of the family in comparison to my husband's side of the family.  My children only knew Uncle Mark as a guy that smoked and drank and did things that they know are against what we teach.  HOWEVER, they loved him anyway.  They didn't judge him or not like him because he lived differently than we did.  They loved their uncle regardless of how he lived.  Our children saw how the Atonement affected the life of a "sinner" they knew and loved. They truly saw the Atonement "in action" in the life of someone else.

I concluded my comment saying something like this, "Yes, the Atonement is there for us regarding sin.  But it is much more than that.  The Atonement is there for us during our trials, our sorrows and everything that we experience.  Really, the Atonement is truly the love of Christ."

Friends, if I could just leave you with this:  No matter what you experience, no matter where you are in life, no matter how down trodden you may feel, just know that you are truly NEVER ALONE. Whether you are a believer in Christ or not, He did what He did.  He bled through every pore in the Garden of Gethsemane. He died on the cross.  He did what he did because he loves you, me, all of us. You don't have to believe it, but it did happen and each of us is a recipient of that great love.  He experienced it all so HE KNOWS.  He knows what we're going through....and you are NEVER ALONE.

Love,

Debbie

We Live What We Learn

He hit me!  He 'cutted'.  She called me a baby.  I'm telling on you! Can I go to the bathroom?  It's MY turn!  She isn't sharing.  And the list goes on, and on and on.  These are some things I hear on a daily basis as I substitute in an elementary classroom.  But there's one thing I hear often that has prompted this blog post.  "He's copying me!"


He's copying me.....what's the big deal?  So someone likes what you did and they decide they want to do it your way.  I usually try explaining to the young children that if someone copies them it's because what they are doing is so cool that someone else wants to do it, too. They still don't seem to get it.  I understand that.  If we're doing something and it turns out to be cool or awesome well, we don't want anyone else to do it.  We, yes, WE - even as adults, want it to be known that it was our idea before someone else starts doing it and getting credit for it.

For example, 26 years ago when we were planning for our wedding reception, we had some friends that were getting married the month before us.  We had already secured some decorations from others that we were borrowing.  These friends wanted to use the same backdrop that we were using. Now, they weren't actually 'copying' us, but rather, they liked the backdrop and wanted it for their reception.  When they asked us if they could use it I told them I'd rather they didn't because then a month later when we would be using it (inviting a lot of the same people to our reception) it would look like WE were copying THEM.  OK, I know.  Some of you (probably mostly males - because the women understand these issues better than most men) are probably thinking, "What's the big deal? You should have just let them use it.  No one would remember or probably not even care."  You're probably right.  But, I didn't want to look like I was copying someone.  I wanted it to be my own thing, not something someone else had already done.

Hindsight, it was a compliment that these friends wanted to use the same backdrop we used (even if they weren't copying us).  The wife has good taste so that just means we had the same good taste. But the point is, as much of a compliment as it may have been, I didn't want to 'copy' them and I didn't want them to 'copy' us.

So, back to the playground.....I have heard and seen these young children do things and say things that make me pause and think to myself, "Did I hear that or see that correctly?"  I've seen children, (and for the sake of this post, I'm referring to mostly young five, six, seven and eight year old children) playing 'house' and treating the doll babies tenderly and with love.  I've seen these young children caring for a friend that is crying or hurt until an adult comes over.  There are children that are eager to help clean up the messes, even if they didn't make them.  I've heard them say things to each other that makes my heart melt.  I've seen and heard their kindness.  And I think to myself, "They are being taught well in their home."  These young children are 'copying' what they see and hear at home, basically.

I have had a glimpse in the lives of many adults by the way their children act at school.  I have had a student, a six year old child, call me an "F-ing bit--" and tell me to "shut the 'f' up!" because he was mad.  I've had a child tell me that they are a "stupid idiot" and start hitting himself because he's so "stupid".  I've seen children hit and kick adults and other children when they are mad.  I've had a child tell me "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry" when they think they've done something wrong because they're afraid of getting punished.  Just the other day I had to take something away from one child because he should never have brought it to school.  He wasn't happy I took it but he was fine.  I had to take something away from another child and told her she could have it after school.  She went under the tables and cried saying she was in "so much trouble now".  Two different reactions from two different children that were living what they had learned.

I remember when I was younger and was hanging out at a friends home, her parents gave her younger brother (maybe 2 years old) some beer.  I was shocked!  They said that they would rather he drink in front of them than try to hide it from them.  The boy was only TWO years old!!  Did he become an alcoholic?  I don't know.  But he was taught that underage drinking was fine.  Heck, for that matter, my friend and I were taught that underage drinking was fine, too!  I hear of parents that sponsor parties at their home and allow the high school students to drink because they are being "supervised" by the adults. What is actually being taught is "underage drinking is OK because I said so."  And those parents are fooling themselves if they think the drinking stops when the parents say the party is over.

Every time we do or say something, we are TEACHING OUR CHILDREN, and even other people's children.  If you drink, smoke, live with your boyfriend/girlfriend, cuss, do volunteer work, do drugs, gossip, are mean to others, drive crazy (ya, my children have picked up that bad habit from ME. I'll just admit it now) steal, lie, help others, serve others, etc, whatever it is our children see or hear us do, good or bad, they are likely to end up doing it as well. MONKEY SEE - MONKEY DO.  That's just how it works. Teaching someone doesn't always require a classroom setting.  The most influential classroom for any child (or any person, really) is what they learn at home. Our young ones take what they learn from us and share it with their friends - good or bad. They live what they learn.  That is a fact.

Our 'babies' that have 'copied' us
(good or bad) from their 1st step

Just remember, someone is ALWAYS 'copying' you. You REALLY are NEVER ALONE....eyes are always on us, watching what we do so they can 'copy' us. Choose to be the good in this world. Choose to be the good example that our young ones can 'copy'.  Life is good.  You are good. Our young ones need GOOD that they can COPY.

Much love,

Debbie