My Footprints

Within the last 19 years I have lost people that meant a lot to me.  First I lost my daddy.  He was about 50 years old.  His heart just gave up.  Then, a few years later, I lost my grandma (my dad's mom).  She was a sweet woman - somewhere in her 70's (maybe even 80's), I think.  I'm not 100% sure what she died from....cancer?  Some time after that, I lost my sweet 17 year old nephew to leukemia.  My granddaddy (yes, my dad's dad and grandma's husband) passed away a few years ago. He was in his late 80's, I think.  I don't know what his actual cause of death was but I know he missed my grandma.  And just this past November (the 26th, to be exact), my mom passed away.  She was 71 and had been battling diabetes, which lead to other complications and then colon cancer came along. Her heart finally gave up.

But DON'T STOP READING.....this post isn't a sad post, I PROMISE!

Daddy, Me and Jennifer

I only tell you about "my" losses to open a few thoughts up to you.  You see, when I think of my daddy (yes, even at 49 years of age, I still refer to him as my daddy) I think of a man that loved others.  He wasn't a church goer or a religious man but he had a big heart.  He actually died a homeless man.  Nevertheless, he was loving and kind.  Don't get me wrong...he wasn't perfect and yes, he had a temper and he even used foul language, smoked and drank.  But, when I remember him I remember the man that loved others and treated others with kindness.

Grandma and my Daddy
(couldn't find a pic of
Grandaddy at my finger
tips)

Then there's my grandma and my granddaddy.  They were a great pair.  I have fond memories of being with them as a young child.  My parents divorced when I was a baby but I always spent time with my grandparents.  I learned that grits and fried eggs were DELICIOUS, or maybe it's because they were made with love by my southern "grown" grandma.  Granddaddy always took us in the backyard to see the big old tortoise and feed him lettuce.  We would go over the "thinking cap" bridge whenever we would go out on drives with Granddaddy.  They were good people.  All their neighbors knew and loved them!

Cory

Cory - my 17 year old nephew.  He was a "good boy".  Perfect?  Nah. But a good, respectful young man with a heart of gold and a smile that lit up a room.  I remember him playing the piano one time and he looked at me and said, "Aunt Debbie!  Wanna watch me 'tickle the ivories'??" Whenever I hear that phrase, I think of Cory and the love for life he had. He left a lasting footprint in the lives of all those he came in contact with. He was loved deeply by his peers at school and even his leaders.  In fact, the school asked if we could hold his funeral on a Saturday so the administration team could attend - along with A LOT of the student body. Yes.  He left footprints - GOOD footprints, for sure.

Mom and me - a few years ago

Mom.  Mom and I didn't have that tight, close-knit, mother-daughter relationship that others have but we still had a good relationship.  She was always willing to help others.  She loved feeling needed. She WANTED to be needed.  Christmastime each year (she lived with us for 7 years) she would donate money or gifts to strangers, either through an organization or through a friend.  She just made sure she donated something to someone.  Our children have fond memories of my mom living with us.  We would play games or watch TV with her.  She would take them to 7-11 to get slurpees just for the heck of it.  She was a giver...not always, but she DID give.

So, what does this have to do with anything?  Well, as I was pondering on what to blog about for my last post for 2016 I thought about writing about resolutions.  I mean EVERYONE does at least one resolution each year, right?  But then I thought, who wants to read about resolutions?  That would be so easy and "typical".

Then I thought about people in my life....people that have come and gone and the impressions they have left on me - the FOOTPRINTS they have left on my life, on my heart.  Then I thought about ME.....what kind of footprints am I leaving?  When I'm gone, what will be said about me?  What kind of legacy am I leaving behind for others to remember me by?

I want people to remember me for my love for others, my humor (as funny as it may NOT be even), my willingness to help others, my love of family, how I made them feel when they were around me. And THEN I THOUGHT....what if I'm not leaving that kind of footprint in other's lives?  What if I'm being remembered as selfish, unkind, thoughtless, abrasive, etc?  WHAT IF???

So, as we roll into 2017 and make new year's resolutions, perhaps we first think about the FOOTPRINTS we are leaving behind.  Sure, we all want to lose that last 5 pounds (well, for some of us, it may be more like 15 pounds but I'm not telling you my weight!) or start working out more or get a better job or read more books or learn to knit (ha! I already know how to knit so that's not on MY list this year!).  But how many of us think about the footprints we are leaving in the lives of others?  People may not remember that I was a little overweight but they will certainly remember if I was unkind to them.  They will remember how I made them feel when they were around me.  They will remember....they WILL remember.


Some footprints sink deeper in the hearts of others, so let us work harder in 2017 on leaving POSITIVE, LASTING footprints that will cause people to think, "Wow!  She was always a good person" or "I loved being around him.  He always made me feel like a better person."  Even when we think we are travelling this road alone, please remember, you are NEVER ALONE.....because you are always leaving a footprint in someone's life.

Much love and happiness to you all!  And Happy New Year!  May 2017 bring you joy and happiness and the strength to make it through whatever comes your way!!

Debbie

Was it Enough?

Do you ever wonder, "Did I do enough? Could I have done more?  Could I have been better?"

Well, the answer to each of those questions is "Yes. Yes. And yes."  But if I answered "yes" to the first question, then the other two questions aren't necessary.....or are they?

Mom/Grandma - holding the signs
to welcome Jennifer home from her
mission - 18 months away from home

I've had a lot to reflect on this past week.  My 71 year old mother passed away on November 26th. She had lived with us for 7 years.  She was diagnosed with colon cancer two months ago. But THAT didn't take her from us.  See, about 10 years ago she had part of her right leg amputated.  She suffered from diabetes. She was diagnosed with diabetes later in life and never really took good enough care of herself to prevent complications from arising.  So, along with losing part of her leg, she also lost part of her life.  Her life was never going to be what it was before the surgery. We brought her home to live with us - a small family of five, now six.

Thanksgiving 2016
The last family picture with
Mom/Grandma

I told my husband, "I'm kind of looking forward to having my mom live with us.  We never really had that close mother/daughter relationship so this just may be what it takes to develop that closeness."  I should have known that only fairy tales have happily ever after endings.  It was an up and down ride for seven years.  There were times we got along great. And there were times I wished she could grow another leg and move out to be on her own again.  Don't get me wrong.  I loved my mother.  I never had harsh words with her.  I never told her I hated her.  I never said things that would cause me regret later in life.

However, now that she's gone, I've asked myself those same three questions...."Did I do enough? Could I have done more?  Could I have been better?"  Those are the questions that haunt me because the answers all end up being YES.

Don being silly - pretending to be
asleep on Mom's lap

Did I do enough?  Yes - with the relationship I had with my mother, yes, I did enough.  My mom didn't allow me to be more than what I was to her.  She loved me.  I know she loved me.  I always wanted more of a relationship but that wasn't meant to be. With the relationship we had, we weren't best friends, but we weren't enemies either.  I was there for her for seven years.  When she was sick, I was there.  When she was hungry, I was there. When her dog needed to be taken care of, I was there. When she wanted to go grab a bite to eat, I was there.  We did things together.  We laughed together. We cried together.  We fought together.  But in the end, we were both there for each other....as much as we would allow the other to be.

Could I have done more?  Yes.  I could have spent MORE time with her.  I could have shown more love and compassion toward her.  I could have invited her to more places with me.  I could have laughed more with her.  I could have done A LOT more with my mom....and the same could be said about her....about you....about the person next to you.  We can ALL do more.

June 2013 - Jennifer's high school
graduation. Grandma was there

Could I have been better?  Yes.  I could have been a better daughter, just as she could have been a better mother, just as I can have been a better friend, sister, neighbor.  See, we can ALL be better at whatever we are, whatever we are doing.  It's just a matter of taking that extra step.  Just when we think we're done...take one more step.  Do a little better.

I have learned things about my mom, since her passing, that I didn't know about her.  People have reached out to me telling me "She always sent cards to me for my birthday." Or, "We mailed books to each other all the time.  She started it.  I loved getting her books each month."  Even, "Your mom always made me laugh. We loved having her around."  I didn't know so many people knew and loved my mom.

I used to tease her about paying her bills.  She worked for the post office YEARS ago but she never mailed her payments if the place was local.  She would always go into Target or Kohl's or Verizon to pay her bills.  It wasn't until after her death when one of my brothers and I were talking that I realized that she paid her bills in person because she wanted to be with people.  My mom was a people person.  I realized too late that I should have spent more time with my mom because that's all she wanted....was to be with people.

Feb. 2016 - picking Jennifer up
from the airport - Mom was with us

My mom was not the easiest person to get along with all the time. Not many people can claim that personality trait.  Being a likeable person 24/7 takes a lot of work for some of us.  Some come by it naturally.  My mom tried to be a good person all the time. Perhaps in the eyes of others, she was.  In my eyes she was a flawed individual with a giving heart.  She wasn't perfect but neither am I.  She liked telling people, "I looked just like Debbie when I was her age."  I hated it every time she said that.  Now? Well, I don't mind it now.  I don't mind that she thought we were built from the same mold.  My flawed mother was a good woman with a lot to offer.  Many saw it. Many admired it. Many will miss her.  I will miss her.

I told a neighbor that my mom passed away.  She said something profound that I will never forget: "Your mom loved life.  She just wasn't able to ENJOY it anymore."  I believe that's why she finally let eternal sleep take over.  If you stop enjoying what you love, it's time to move on.  My mom has moved on.  She is in a better place.  She has TWO legs now.  She is with her mom and dad and other people that know and love her.  I will see her again some day.  And maybe THEN we will have that close relationship I'd always wanted.

Thanksgiving 2016
34 hours before she passed

Did I do enough?  Could I have done more?  Could I have been better? Was it enough?  Yes.  And I will continue to do more, be better, give 'enough' so that others will feel loved and accepted like my mom tried to do.  We all want to be loved.  We all want to be needed.  Don't let another day pass without making someone feel loved.  Reach out to that person that may appear lonely.  Embrace them.  Accept them for who they are. We can help someone else not feel so alone.  Sometimes we feel alone but please always remember, and never forget, we are NEVER ALONE even when we are by ourselves.  People are with us....even when we can't see them.

I love you, Mom.
Love,

Debbie