I honestly don't even know where to begin with this blog post so I'll just start here: We just sent our 19 year old son out on a three MONTH mission for our church. Normally the young men are "called" to serve a two YEAR mission. Well, our son completed his paperwork for his mission (like an application for a job, if you will) and was completely honest in his answers. He reported that he took medication for ADD (attention deficient disorder) and that he has Aspergers (now NOT recognized as Aspergers but 'simply' as Autism or "on the spectrum"). Typically a young man or a young woman that wants to serve a mission fills out paperwork, has an interview with their bishop (local church leader), the paperwork is given to their stake president (local church leader - the next level up), they have an interview with their stake president and the paperwork is submitted to the missionary department in Salt Lake City. Usually within four weeks the prospective missionary gets a letter in the mail (now I believe it is all being done via e-mail - wow, how times have changed!) and they gather family and friends around when they open their letter and "reveal" where they have been called to serve.
That is not the case with "3 month-ers", at least not in our son's case. We received a phone call from our Stake President asking that we meet with him. My husband, our son Michael, and I met with our Stake President one evening. There he read a letter to us addressed to him, informing us that Michael would be serving a three month mission in West Las Vegas. During that time he would be assessed to see if he was "able" to complete a full two year mission.
***NOTE - It is now December. I will only be finishing up this blog post to the point where I was back in March, when we sent Michael (now, Elder Skaggs) on his 3 month mission. A LOT has happened in these past few months and you'll want to come back and read about that when I blog about it.***
We were a bit surprised that our son wasn't being called to serve a full two year mission as we knew he was perfectly capable of serving two years. Nevertheless, I was thrilled that he was being given the opportunity to serve, if even for "only" 3 months. As Pres. Ham, the Stake President, was reading the letter and I was beginning to realize this wasn't a "typical" mission call, I was concerned how our son was going to take being "rejected" from a full time mission.
I had NO cause to worry because when Pres. Ham read the letter stating he was being called to serve a "2 transfer mission" (which is three months) and he was going to West Las Vegas Michael didn't flinch. He pumped his fist in the air and exclaimed, "Yes!!"
My heart was full. I was happy that HE was happy. Throughout his 19+ years of life I have witnessed him get beat down emotionally. I've watched him be excluded from get togethers, parties and gatherings by his peers. I've seen others in his age group form bonds that didn't include our son. Now, I don't say that as a "poor me" type of thing. It is just the life of an "Aspie". Our son has never been "normal" but he is soooooo close to the line of being "typical" and being "on the spectrum" that it hurts to see him usually on the outside looking in.
But now here he is. Being called to serve as a missionary for the Lord! He gets to "be like the rest of them". As I write my next blog post you will come to see how that is further from the truth than we had originally thought.
Like my title says, Michael has lived his whole life with some sort of label. He was diagnosed with Apraxia (speech disorder) when he was 3, ADD when he was 8 and then Aspergers when he was 12. It was one label after another. To us, he was just our son that had more difficulties to work through than others. We had no idea how much his Aspergers/Autism would affect him, his relationships with his peers or even his relationship with the rest of our immediate family.
Having a label can be a difficult "burden" to carry your whole life. There were times when he would say or do something where I would have to say to myself, "That wasn't Michael; that was his Aspergers." The pain would still be there. The sting of his words would still affect me but I always knew it wasn't Michael, per se. Michael has such a big heart and a deep desire to do what's right. He is ALWAYS willing to lend a hand to friend, foe or stranger. That's just how this boy works.
So, we see that labels, no matter WHAT they are - mean, nice, kind, selfish, ugly, beautiful - will affect your life. If we can look past the label of others and see them as a child of God, our equal, another person on a different journey but heading to the same destination, well, then we'd ALL be better and happier people.
The night before we took Michael to the mission office in Las Vegas we stayed at a cousin's house in Vegas. That morning before we took Michael to his mission I remember him getting really frustrated and he said something unkind to me. It hurt. I knew he was nervous so that didn't help either. I remember the sting of his words. As I stepped back and cried silent tears, I didn't want him to know he had hurt me, I said to myself, "It's not Michael speaking....it's his Aspergers." His journey has been difficult from the very first step. It has caused heart ache just within the walls of our own home, not to mention what it has done to his social life. However, as I step back and remember that he is a child of God, not to mention MY OWN CHILD THAT I BIRTHED, and just wants love and acceptance, I realize that's all I WANT FOR ME, too. Isn't that what we all want?
Life with an Aspie may not be easy for anyone, especially the individual that is on the spectrum, but it IS worth it. As we look past others labels and see them as God sees them, then we will NEVER be ALONE.
Love,
Debbie
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