Staying the "Keto" course

Another week here and gone....another pound here and....well, it didn't go like I'd have wanted. BUT, it's because I fell off the keto wagon. I went to a conference that I attend every year and KNEW there would be chocolate and LOTS of it. So, I was prepared to NOT lose weight because I KNEW what I would be eating.  In fact, I knew NOT to step on the scale for at least a week after returning from the conference. I didn't want to get discouraged. Actually, I chose to not step on the scale because if I had miraculously lost weight then I would have "justified" eating like I used to and in the end, I may have fallen back into my old eating habits. So, I was being kind to my future self. OBVIOUSLY I didn't lose weight but I didn't put it all back on either.  Sure, I gained a few pounds but that's because I didn't exercise even ONCE that week and I ate chocolate like it was going out of style.

With that said, that's what HEALTHY eating is all about. Hence, why I consider Keto eating a way of life instead of a "diet".  Pre-Keto I would grab a Snickers bar or a Reece's Peanut butter Cup to snack on. If I was craving salty stuff I'd grab a bag of chips....a FAMILY SIZE bag....or a handful (or two) of Cheez-Its.  I would fill my body with stuff that I couldn't even pronounce some of the ingredients!

Now I've found recipes where not only can I pronounce the ingredients but they are easily accessible, healthy and DELICIOUS!

Before I get to the recipes let me share some things with you regarding my keto journey.

First, the first week or so when you see the pounds melt away remember that it is mostly fluid, water weight, that you are losing. The numbers on the scale will tell you that you've lost weight but it will creep back on if you stop right there thinking, "Oh, I've lost 7 pounds. Yay me!" and head back to your old eating habits.

Second, I WORK OUT 4 DAYS A WEEK.  I know people that have lost the weight eating Keto and haven't exercised a day of their weight loss. That's fine. But for me? I like the feeling I get when I'm on the treadmill for 30 minutes and lifting weights another 20-30 minutes. Keep in mind, I'm not WEIGHT LIFTING mega tons. I'm doing light weight to tone my muscles. When you exercise by weight lifting (no matter how light) your body is burning more fat/energy even when you've put the weights down. If you don't have time to work out, add a 10 minute walk to your day. Just do SOMETHING to mix it up from your normal routine. You'll thank yourself later.

Third, you WILL HIT A PLATEAU. Do NOT get discouraged. I'll talk more next week about what I've done to mix it up. I want you to stay the course before I share my other little tricks with you.

Last, when you get frustrated or discouraged or think you're "limiting yourself" remember what your end goal is. Then remember that you're treating your body better by feeding it better than you were before you began your keto eating life. You already know what that chocolate cake or rocky road ice cream tastes like, so if you skip it now, no big deal. Not like you've never had it before. Now you're training your body to like other things...HEALTHIER things!!!  Again, you'll thank yourself later when you're out shopping for a dress that's two sizes smaller than what you're wearing today!!

I already shared with you the Keto pancake recipe so here are some pictures for you now:

    

Like I said last week, my husband puts berries on top of his pancakes.  I keep them stored in a zip lock baggie so he has them all week and has quick and easy access to a keto breakfast.

I couldn't find anything that I really liked that satisfied my bread craving. After those first two weeks of eating eggs, lunch meat, cheese and salads I REALLY wanted to sink my teeth into something "bread-like". I was chatting with a friend and she mentioned something about keto rolls. My ears perked up....BREAD??  Well, yes and no. It's a roll made mostly of CHEESE with almond flour, cream cheese and a few other ingredients. I made some that evening and fell in love with them!!

Keto Rolls
Ingredients

Melted cheeses

1 cup shredded Mozzarella cheese (I used Mozzarella my first time and switched it up and used     Pepper Jack the next time. My husband and son liked the Pepper Jack rolls better...more flavor?)
1 oz cream cheese
1 cup almond flour
1/4 cup ground flax seed
1 egg
1/2 tsp baking soda

Preheat oven to 400 F
Line baking sheet with parchment paper (I use silicone baking sheets)
In medium bowl, melt cream cheese and mozzarella together (microwave about 1 min)

Stir cheeses together until smooth, add egg and stir until combined

Sticky dough

In separate bowl combine almond flour, ground flax seed and baking soda
Mix cheese and egg mixture into dry ingredients and stir until dough forms soft ball (it will be sticky)

Using wet hands, (you may have to wet them a couple of times - and DON'T dry your hands! They need to be wet as the dough is really sticky) gently roll dough into 6 balls (I make mine small enough that I make about 8 balls)

Roll tops in sesame seeds (I use Everything Bagel spice for the salty taste) and place onto lined baking sheet
Bake for 10-12 minutes until golden brown

YUMMY finished product

These are super yummy and will satisfy your bread desires, I promise!!









I definitely have a sweet tooth. Next week I'll share my chocolate peanut butter bites with you. My friend, Joanne, made some for me when she knew I was on the Keto plan and she knows I LOVE chocolate. I fell in love with these after the first bite! She gave me the recipe so I credit her for those little gems!!  But until then, let me introduce you to PEANUT BUTTER MOUSSE. As much as I love chocolate, when I made Keto chocolate mousse I was deeply disappointed. I found this super simple recipe on line and well, I actually love it more than chocolate mousse, surprisingly.  I just made some tonight and can't wait to have another one tomorrow!! Be sure to limit your intake of these keto treats because even too much of a good thing can be bad for you....

Peanut Butter Mousse

All mixed up

Ingredients
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
4 oz cream cheese
2 Tbls natural peanut butter (no sugar added)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
7-10 drops stevia extract (I use 1/3 cup of confectioners Swerve. Stevia has too much of a weird after taste to me)

Whip your whipping cream to stiff peaks in a medium bowl - set aside
In another medium bowl, beat together cream cheese, peanut butter, vanilla extract and stevia (Swerve) until smooth and creamy.
Add in whipped cream and mix on medium speed for about one minute or until the resulting mousse is light fluffy and no lumps remain.

Finished product

Serve peanut butter mousse immediately or store in fridge up to a week.
Top with sugar free dark chocolate shavings - if desired

I serve mine topped with sugar free whip cream and sugar free dark chocolate shavings (duh!). I don't add the whip cream topping until just before eating. I put the mini sugar free chocolate bar in the picture so you can see what I use. I find these in the candy aisle near the bagged candy at Walmart.


Last week I told you I'd share my taco pie recipe.  Don's niece is eating Keto, too. She sent me this recipe so, all credit goes to Jeannette.  I've only made this twice and it's a family favorite. Actually, our 18 year old son could eat this all day every day. I put a little too much spice in it this time and used pepper jack cheese just to spice it up a bit. He had his first piece and said, "Mom, you just can't mess this one up. This is sooo good!" So, here it is:

Taco Pie
Ingredients

Simple ingredients

1 pound ground beef
1 packet taco seasoning (I use a homemade recipe - I'll include it at the bottom)
3 green onions thinly sliced
1/4 cup salsa
1 cup Mexican blend cheese finely shredded (use whatever cheese you want)
4 large eggs
2/3 cup heavy cream
1/2 tsp sea salt

Ready to pour

Preheat oven to 350 F
Prepare a 9" pie pan by greasing with butter or spraying coconut oil
Brown ground beef, breaking up into small pieces with a spoon or spatula 
Drain beef and add taco seasoning and cook according to package instructions

Set aside and allow to cool while continuing with the next step
In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the eggs and heavy cream. Stir in green onions, salsa, 3/4 cup of the cheese and the salt
Stir prepared taco meat into the egg mixture. Pour this mixture into the prepared pie pan. Sprinkle remaining cheese on top.
Bake pie in preheated oven for 35-40 minutes or until the top is brown and the pie is set.

Ready to bake!

Allow to cool for 5 minutes before serving.

There are 2 grams of carbs per serving (1/8th of the pie)

I add a bit more cheese just because I can and I like it cheesy.

DELICIOUS!!

Here's the taco seasoning recipe:

4 Tbls chili powder

1 Tbls garlic powder

1 Tbls onion powder

1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

1 tsp dried oregano

1 Tbls paprika

3 Tbls ground cumin

1 Tbls salt

1 Tbls black pepper

Mix ingredients together in a bowl and store in an airtight container.

Use about two tablespoons per pound of ground beef

(In the taco pie recipe it says when you add the taco seasoning to cook according to package instructions - I add a little water to the meat when I add the seasoning, about 1/2 cup, and let it simmer for a few minutes for the meat to soak up the water and seasoning)

That's it for this week, friends. Like I said earlier, I'll share some more tips and tricks I've done to keep me "on the course".  DON'T GIVE UP!! You're NEVER ALONE on this Keto journey. I am seriously right here with you!!

Let me know if you have any questions!  Happy eating!!

Hugs!

Debbie

From REAL Chocolate chip cookies to KETO Chocolate chip cookies

Hi Friends!

So, as most of you know chocolate was (still kinda IS) a staple in my life. Actually, it was (IS) one of the main food groups for me!  In fact, chocolate is such a part of my life that many people wondered HOW I was going to be able to "go Keto".

If I'm being honest, and I have no reason to NOT be honest, I have to say....YES, it was difficult at first. Sure, I had my goal in mind. I want to lose the weight so I can enjoy my upcoming summer vacation and not balloon up to 200 pounds. But that doesn't make it any easier to not eat chocolate like I am used to. Christmas 2017 I bought a big bag of Hershey's chocolate kisses at Costco. I was going to use them to make Christmas goodies.  Well, that never happened. "Christmas life" took over and I got too busy to do a lot of baking like I had planned. BUT, I have the cutest red chocolate kiss candy dish by my front door. So, of COURSE I filled it with the chocolate kisses I had purchased. And of COURSE I couldn't just leave them there to rot away so I'd take a handful (or two or three) in the evening and grab a jar of peanut butter (not the healthy stuff...but the peanut butter filled with all kinds of preservatives and other garbage) and a spoon and eat my kisses dipped in peanut butter. Oh was I in heaven!!!

My gift card from Christmas....still
waiting to be used!!

I tell you that because it was THAT easy for me to enjoy my chocolate AND put on weight without even realizing it.  I mean, really now, how much weight could I POSSIBLY gain by eating a handful or two of chocolate dipped in peanut butter?  Did I mention that I did that EVERY evening and MORE THAN ONCE AN EVENING?  Ya, the pounds collected very easily AND quickly.

OK, enough of my "past". Let's get to the now.

Many of you have asked for my food menu and what I've done to switch to Keto eating. Now take note. I DO NOT CONSIDER THIS A DIET. I will not refer to Keto eating as "my Keto diet". Diet is a "4 letter word". Well, besides it LITERALLY being a 4 letter word, when I hear "diet" nothing good comes to my mind. Hence, I refer to it as Keto EATING. It is a healthier way of eating ALWAYS, not just until "I reach my goal".  Healthy eating should be a lifelong DESIRE and not just a goal.

With that being said, I am NOT the poster child for Keto eating. I am not your typical person.  What works for me may not work for you. You need to adjust things to fit your lifestyle and your body. What I'm sharing with you has NOT been approved (or disapproved, for that matter) by any health provider and I am NOT under the supervision of any doctor.  I have NOT researched Keto eating to know the science behind how our body goes into ketosis (which ketosis is a GOOD thing) or what goes on inside our body to make it react the way it does when one turns to Keto eating.  I just know what it's done for me and my family.

With that said, here's what I have been doing since December 30, 2018:

I get this from Costco

Oh, and ANY items I mention here are NOT endorsed by any company. I don't get paid for mentioning specific products. I'm just telling you what I use.

Some foods you'll want to "stock up on" are:
cream cheese (I get mine in the two pack at Walmart)
almond flour (Costco)
coconut oil - it's in the baking oil section and looks like Crisco oil rather than liquid oil
eggs
sugar free whipped cream (found some at Walmart - with the purple cap)

The first two weeks I ate a lot of protein in the form of eggs and chicken. For breakfast I would have scrambled eggs. I would make them different each time by what I would mix in with them but I ALWAYS used cheese. I'd put in chopped tomatoes or olives or fresh spinach or bacon bits.  I did it different each day so I didn't get sick of scrambled eggs.

I'd boil eggs at the beginning of the week so I could have a hard boiled egg for snacks between meals. I also had string cheese sticks on hand. String cheese is still my favorite "go to" snack.

Our family typically eats dinner between 4 and 5 so I never really eat a 'real' lunch.  Around lunchtime I would eat some cheese slices (there's this DELICIOUS lite Swiss cheese we get from Costco) with lunch meat rolled inside. Regular forest ham or baked ham slices are more Keto friendly than any of the maple or other flavored hams. Turkey or chicken lunch meat is better.

Dinner time was always the most anticipated meal of the day!  Since all three of us (our 18 year old son, my husband and myself) were doing Keto we were 'excited' to sink our teeth into something hearty and delicious. Well, you may be disappointed but dinner usually consisted of a green salad with tomatoes and cucumbers and Blu Cheese dressing. Toss a little feta cheese on that salad and it's even that much more yummy! We'd also have some chicken or steak with our salad.

That may sound a bit 'blah' for some of you and even a bit like we were starving ourselves. But, let me tell you, we WEREN'T starved and it WAS yummy.

I'm not gonna lie, though. The first night I was concerned about my chocolate withdrawals and how I was gonna deal with that. I found a "Fat Bomb" recipe that pulled me through.

FAT BOMBS
2 Tbls coconut oil
2 Tbls unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup natural peanut butter
1/4 cup chia seeds
1 tsp vanilla essence
2 Tbls xylitol or your favorite sweetener (I used liquid stevia)
1/3 cup unsweetened shredded coconut

INSTRUCTIONS
Melt coconut oil
Put all ingredients except melted coconut oil and shredded coconut into a bowl and mix well
Add melted coconut oil and mix until combined. Place mixture in the fridge for 30 minutes to allow the chia seeds to soak up the excess liquid and the coconut oil to set.
Spread coconut on flat surface.
Take a spoonful (about the size of a very large grape) and shape into a ball. Roll in coconut until ball is completely coated.
Place completed fat bombs on wax paper lined baking tray/plate/sheet and place in fridge for one hour.
Keep stored in fridge in a container with a lid.

These kept me going the first two weeks. I'd pop one in my mouth just as I was heading out the door for the gym. Even my finicky husband likes these!

After about the first two weeks my family was tiring of eggs. I looked up a recipe for Keto pancakes. I'm here to tell you, these are DELICIOUS!!

Here's that recipe:

KETO PANCAKES
1/2 cup almond flour
4 oz cream cheese, softened
4 large eggs
1 tsp lemon zest (I used a few drops of lemon essential oil - which is safe for consumption)
Butter for frying and serving

Walmart

INSTRUCTIONS
In a medium bowl, whisk together almond flour, cream cheese, eggs and lemon zest until smooth.
In a nonstick skillet over medium heat, melt 1 tablespoon butter. Pour about 3 Tbls of batter and cook until golden, about 2 minutes. Flip and cook other side two minutes more.
Keep going until batter is gone.

It says to serve topped with butter but I also put sugar free whipped cream on top. My husband tops his with Keto friendly berries (black berries/strawberries).  DELICIOUS!!

The mornings I'm in a hurry I have a Keto drink.  I bought a Keto brand mix at Sprouts a month ago. You can get any kind of Keto "shake" and it should be fine. It says to use two scoops in water. I usually use ONE scoop with about 4 ounces of unsweetened almond milk and 8 ounces of water. I definitely add ice to make it super cold. It keeps me going until I have my mid morning string cheese or whatever Keto friendly snack I'm having.

I've given you a little to think about this week so I'll close for now.  But I'll end with this......

KETO CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES (I usually double this recipe!!)
1 egg

From Sprouts

3 Tbls maple syrup or honey (I use half sugar free maple syrup AND honey)
1/4 cup coconut oil
1/3 cup cashew butter (I use straight butter but will try almond butter on my next batch)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 Tbls unsweetened almond milk
1 1/4 cup almond flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon (I do a tiny bit more!)
2-3 Tbls collagen (optional) - I use this only because I found it on sale at Sprouts
1/2 cup (I use more, of course) sugar free chocolate chips (I use Lilly's chips. The BEST!)
1/4 tsp sea salt

INSTRUCTIONS
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F
Whisk egg in large bowl
Add maple syrup, melted coconut oil, cashew butter, vanilla extract and almond milk.
Whisk again - I whisk...I DO NOT USE A MIXER
Stir in almond flour, baking soda, cinnamon, collagen (if using collagen) and sea salt
Fold in chocolate chips
It suggest using parchment paper on a baking sheet...blah blah blah

The silcone pan that I just LOVE!!

I use a silicone mini muffin pan because when I made my first batch on a baking sheet they were flat and blah. Using a mini muffin pan is great because I just drop a small scoop (fill about half way in the muffin pan) of mixture in the muffin pan and bake for 10 minutes. I let it sit in the muffin pan another minute before popping them out of the pan. A silicone muffin pan is AWESOME. You can use a regular one but be sure to spray it with non stick spray.
I keep them sealed in a zip lock baggie on the counter for a day or two or in the fridge, if they last longer than 2 days since we usually eat them all before then!!

NOTE - I just made some cookies tonight. I used almond butter (found in the peanut butter aisle) for the first time. I like them better when I use regular butter, not margarine (salted or unsalted, doesn't matter). Just an FYI.

These cookies are ALMOST better than my regular chocolate chip cookies.  In fact, I have to go now. I'm headed downstairs to throw a batch together. When my 18 year old son found out I was making a batch of these tonight he was super excited!

Next week I'll share a muffin recipe with you as well as a chocolate peanut butter bites and taco pie recipes, too!! I'll also share some insights I gained when I hit a plateau and some adjustments I've had to make to keep the weight coming off!!

Remember, this is a FUN journey and you are NEVER ALONE because I'm right here with you...eating Keto just like you!!

Happy eating!!!!

Debbie 

Confessions of a Chocoholic and how my Keto journey began

Hello friends!  I've posted quite a bit on Facebook about my weight loss journey.  I was not 100 pounds over weight.  In fact, many people asked me WHY I was on a "diet".  I was told that I looked great.  Well, be that as it may, I was heavier than I wanted to be. Truth be told, my husband and I are going on a one week cruise this summer and then touring around Europe for an additional two weeks. So, my desire to lose weight was more aimed to being able to enjoy my cruise/vacation and not come home looking like a two ton pickup.  Hence, I wanted to lose weight to be able to gain weight, if that makes any sense.



We recently went to a family Christmas party.  My husband has been wanting to lose weight for a while. I'm not being mean when I say he looked like he had swallowed a basketball.  Seriously, he needed to lose weight and it showed.  While at this family party we both noticed a family member that looked great!  He didn't need to lose weight because he LOOKED heavy, because he WASN'T, but we noticed that he looked thinner and he looked good. So, we talked to him about it.  He said he was doing Keto.  I had heard of the Keto diet before.  In fact, I looked into it once and saw all the restrictions of what I could eat and what I couldn't eat and said, "No way! I can't do that! I WON'T do that!" Dieting alone is one thing but the keto plan was a whole different story.  There was no way I could do Keto without the help of my husband especially being under so many "restrictions". Keto was totally out of the question.  But now, well, now my husband was intrigued and decided to look into it.


My husband decided to start the Keto "diet" the last week of December.  Um, who DOES that??  There was still a boatload of chocolate and sweets that needed to be eaten so I, of course, threw myself on that grenade and finished off the Christmas sweets before I joined him on our new "diet".

The first five days, my husband lost FIVE pounds.  I figured he was losing weight fast because he had more to lose than me.  Like I said, I wasn't OBESE but I needed to lose weight (even if I wasn't going on a super vacation this summer).  So, December 30, 2018 I stepped on the scale......

A few years ago I was in the 155 pound range.  I always said to myself, "OK. Just don't get to 160 and you're doing good." I, of course, hit the 160 range and said to myself, "Just keep it under 165."  As the tale goes....I hit 165 and then 170 and then 175.  I didn't much care because I wasn't going up in pant sizes (probably because I had stretch jeans - NOT elastic waistband jeans but stretch jeans nonetheless) and I didn't LOOK too bad.  It finally got to the point where one morning I was in the shower and looked down....I saw my belly had grown out past my boobs!  THEN, on that dreaded day on December 30th when I stepped on the scale.....it showed 180!! WHAT?  That just CAN'T be right!  I stepped off then stepped back on and it still showed 180 pounds.

I went downstairs, looked at the chocolate in my kitchen and finally said, "That's it!" and my Keto journey began.

I haven't looked back.  I am down 16 pounds since that day.  I was told it may be difficult for me to exercise or run races (I run in a 5k or half marathon once a month) due to being on the Keto "diet". I haven't felt this healthy in years!!  I have run in two 5k's since I started Keto eating (I call it Keto EATING rather than the Keto DIET - which I'll explain later) and I exercise at least four days a week.

I will share with you my journey and even give you some recipes of the foods I eat that help me maintain a Keto lifestyle while eating what I enjoy and still losing weight.

If you are interested in what I have done to lose weight and want to follow along, please stay tuned for my next post. I PROMISE to not leave you hanging.  I want you to decide if you really want to do this. And if you do.....you are NEVER ALONE, because I'm right here with you!

Much love,

Debbie

P.S.  This blog is NOT sponsored by any company.  I do NOT get paid for any food sources I mention. I am simply sharing with you what I've done to lose weight and feel great!!

Living life with a lable and life with an "Aspie"

I honestly don't even know where to begin with this blog post so I'll just start here:   We just sent our 19 year old son out on a three MONTH mission for our church.  Normally the young men are "called" to serve a two YEAR mission.  Well, our son completed his paperwork for his mission (like an application for a job, if you will) and was completely honest in his answers.  He reported that he took medication for ADD (attention deficient disorder) and that he has Aspergers (now NOT recognized as Aspergers but 'simply' as Autism or "on the spectrum").  Typically a young man or a young woman that wants to serve a mission fills out paperwork, has an interview with their bishop (local church leader), the paperwork is given to their stake president (local church leader - the next level up), they have an interview with their stake president and the paperwork is submitted to the missionary department in Salt Lake City.  Usually within four weeks the prospective missionary gets a letter in the mail (now I believe it is all being done via e-mail - wow, how times have changed!) and they gather family and friends around when they open their letter and "reveal" where they have been called to serve.


That is not the case with "3 month-ers", at least not in our son's case.  We received a phone call from our Stake President asking that we meet with him.  My husband, our son Michael, and I met with our Stake President one evening.  There he read a letter to us addressed to him, informing us that Michael would be serving a three month mission in West Las Vegas.  During that time he would be assessed to see if he was "able" to complete a full two year mission.

***NOTE - It is now December. I will only be finishing up this blog post to the point where I was back in March, when we sent Michael (now, Elder Skaggs) on his 3 month mission. A LOT has happened in these past few months and you'll want to come back and read about that when I blog about it.***

We were a bit surprised that our son wasn't being called to serve a full two year mission as we knew he was perfectly capable of serving two years. Nevertheless, I was thrilled that he was being given the opportunity to serve, if even for "only" 3 months. As Pres. Ham, the Stake President, was reading the letter and I was beginning to realize this wasn't a "typical" mission call, I was concerned how our son was going to take being "rejected" from a full time mission.

I had NO cause to worry because when Pres. Ham read the letter stating he was being called to serve a "2 transfer mission" (which is three months) and he was going to West Las Vegas Michael didn't flinch. He pumped his fist in the air and exclaimed, "Yes!!"

My heart was full. I was happy that HE was happy. Throughout his 19+ years of life I have witnessed him get beat down emotionally. I've watched him be excluded from get togethers, parties and gatherings by his peers. I've seen others in his age group form bonds that didn't include our son. Now, I don't say that as a "poor me" type of thing. It is just the life of an "Aspie". Our son has never been "normal" but he is soooooo close to the line of being "typical" and being "on the spectrum" that it hurts to see him usually on the outside looking in.

But now here he is. Being called to serve as a missionary for the Lord! He gets to "be like the rest of them". As I write my next blog post you will come to see how that is further from the truth than we had originally thought.

Like my title says, Michael has lived his whole life with some sort of label. He was diagnosed with Apraxia (speech disorder) when he was 3, ADD when he was 8 and then Aspergers when he was 12. It was one label after another. To us, he was just our son that had more difficulties to work through than others. We had no idea how much his Aspergers/Autism would affect him, his relationships with his peers or even his relationship with the rest of our immediate family.

Having a label can be a difficult "burden" to carry your whole life. There were times when he would say or do something where I would have to say to myself, "That wasn't Michael; that was his Aspergers." The pain would still be there. The sting of his words would still affect me but I always knew it wasn't Michael, per se.  Michael has such a big heart and a deep desire to do what's right. He is ALWAYS willing to lend a hand to friend, foe or stranger. That's just how this boy works.

So, we see that labels, no matter WHAT they are - mean, nice, kind, selfish, ugly, beautiful - will affect your life. If we can look past the label of others and see them as a child of God, our equal, another person on a different journey but heading to the same destination, well, then we'd ALL be better and happier people.

The night before we took Michael to the mission office in Las Vegas we stayed at a cousin's house in Vegas. That morning before we took Michael to his mission I remember him getting really frustrated and he said something unkind to me. It hurt. I knew he was nervous so that didn't help either.  I remember the sting of his words. As I stepped back and cried silent tears, I didn't want him to know he had hurt me, I said to myself, "It's not Michael speaking....it's his Aspergers."  His journey has been difficult from the very first step. It has caused heart ache just within the walls of our own home, not to mention what it has done to his social life. However, as I step back and remember that he is a child of God, not to mention MY OWN CHILD THAT I BIRTHED, and just wants love and acceptance, I realize that's all I WANT FOR ME, too. Isn't that what we all want?

Life with an Aspie may not be easy for anyone, especially the individual that is on the spectrum, but it IS worth it. As we look past others labels and see them as God sees them, then we will NEVER be ALONE.

Love,
Debbie

My Legacy.....

It's been a while since I've put "pen to paper" and allowed my thoughts to flow.  But here I am once again!  So, sit back and enjoy.

Our babies...22,19 & 17

Do you ever feel like life is just passing you by and you're trying to stop it or slow it down and you just can't?  I mean, our first born is now 22 years old!  We have our 19 year old son and then our caboose is 17.  Where did the years go?  What have I done?  What have I accomplished?  What do I have to show for MY 50 years on this earth?  When I depart this frail existence what will others remember of me?

My mom has been gone for over a year now, a year and three months to be exact.  I think about her and what she left behind.  Besides the worldly stuff - furniture, pictures, nick-knacks, books, DVD's and music CD's - what has she left that I will always remember?  Something that has and will stay in my heart?

The blue bike with that awesome
banana seat!!

Ballet as a child - priceless memories

I remember the ballet lessons she took me to, the new blue bicycle with the blue banana seat for Christmas and the green gaucho's with the matching vest - oh how I LOVED that outfit!  I remember her taking my older siblings and me to Long Beach where we played ALL DAY at the local park that had a water fountain while Mom worked delivering mail.  Yes, my mom was a letter carrier.  She loved that job.  "Back in the day" she could leave us 'alone' to play knowing all would be well when she came back to get us.  There were the drives to the mall where she would take us Christmas shopping for our "secret Santa" gift for one of our siblings.  Haha - I remember one Christmas when my older brother, Mark, had my name to buy a gift for.  I happened to turn on the Barbie aisle and he was getting not one but TWO Barbie dolls for ME!  He wasn't happy that I saw him, but that's another story.  Yep, Mom made that possible.

Oh how I ROCKED my
gaucho's!!

Mom's final resting place

Mom even taught my church class one year.  That was back in the day that each class was assigned a name rather than just the number for the age group.  I don't remember how old I was but she was my Targateer teacher.  This was when Primary was held during the week in the evenings.  Right after she was done teaching I would run to the bathroom and change from church clothes to my softball uniform or practice clothes and Mom would race me to a game or practice.


I participated in several beauty pageants between the ages of 17 to 22.  My mom didn't go to ALL of my pageants but she went to many, including my first one, where I'm sure I didn't even make the top 20, and my last one.  The one I remember most is when I competed in Miss Orange County, USA.  I remember being on stage thinking, "All these girls are so beautiful and nice.  There's NO WAY I can win this pageant (which would take the winner to the Miss California, USA pageant)."  The announcer calls the 2nd runner-up.  Nope. Not me.  Now, I thought I had a pretty good chance of making the top 3 so I hoped to hear my name called as the 1st runner-up.  The name of the 1st runner-up is announced and no, it was not my name.  So, I look at the girl that I thought would win and be crowned Miss Orange County.  I'm happy for her but bummed that I didn't even make the top three.  The winner is announced and I see my mom and little sister (from Mom's second marriage) jump up out of their seats, cheering and clapping.  I'm a bit disappointed that my mom is so happy for this other girl, as I stand on the stage clapping for this girl (but I'm not jumping and full of joy for her like my mom is!).  Then it registers.  It was MY NAME that was called.  They called Deborah Susan Johnson as the winner!!!  Mom wasn't cheering the other girl on.  She was cheering for ME!!  Mom was there, on the front row, cheering for me.  Yes.  My mom was there - cheering for me.

One of my fondest memories I have of my mom is when we lived on Santa Anita Lane in Huntington Beach, CA.  That was, again, back in the day when we could leave school to go home for lunch and we WALKED to and from school most days.  Anyway, I remember walking up to our house and seeing the yellow curtains in the front kitchen window....and walking in and seeing my mom waiting for me with a fresh grilled cheese sandwich.  To this day whenever I see or have a grilled cheese sandwich it evokes good feelings and fond memories.

I was run over by a car when I was nine.  Mom told me when she arrived upon the scene of the accident she wondered "Who got hurt this time?" not knowing it was her baby girl.  She got out of the car after my older sister, Michele, ran up to her car yelling, "Debbie got hit by a car!  Debbie got hit by a car!"  Mom told me she was 'cool as a cucumber' until she heard the doctor's say, "She's going to make it.  She's going to be OK."  That's when she broke down and cried.  I never understood that.....until I had children of my own.  I used to joke with my mom and say, "Ummmm, so you were fine when you thought I might die and then cried when you knew I was gonna LIVE!"  Well, as any parent will attest, those tears my mom cried were tears of relief, joy, pent up emotion not knowing what the future was gonna bring.  Once she knew her baby girl was going to be alright the emotions began to flow.

Mom and me

Our wedding day Aug 1991

I have always known my mom loved me, simply because I was her child.  However, it wasn't until her passing that I realized just how much my mom really did love me.  See, my mom loved me enough to allow me to fly when she wanted to clip my wings and keep me home and safe.  She loved me enough to trust me in my decisions and even SUPPORT those decisions when she would have rather I chose a different way.  My mom loved me by supporting my decision to serve a mission for my church and send me thousand's of miles and an ocean away and PAY for it, too.  My mom loved me enough when I chose a righteous man that would take me to the temple to be married for time and all eternity....and Mom wasn't even able to attend the temple service.  BUT she was outside waiting for me and happy for my happiness.

My birthday with my family

Mother/daughter outing

As I look back at my childhood and look forward to my children and the way I helped raise them, I often wonder what THEY will remember about ME when I'm gone.  Will they remember the times I drove them from our home to their acting classes - over an hour away and STAYED there while they did their class and then drove them home?  Will they remember the homemade chocolate chip cookies I made for them every Friday?  Will they remember that I loved them and supported them in everything they did?  Will they remember the vacations that their Dad and I took them on so we could bond as a family and build memories that we hoped would last a lifetime?  Do they know I love them?  If so, I will feel complete as a mom.

Picking up Jennifer from
the airport!!

Who needs Uber when
you've got "UDDER"?

I will not and cannot compare me and my mothering to that of others.  I was never the mom that made the super cool, creative birthday cake shaped like a castle.  I don't remember ever doing some over the top birthday parties that I've sent my own children to.  We didn't buy cars for our children as they became teenage drivers.  I have not done a lot of things that mom's do these days.  I probably wouldn't win mother of the year, especially if I compared myself to the mom's of today, and I'm OK with that.  I just hope I've left a legacy for my children....one that they will look back on and say, "I know my mom loved me."  That's all I want from this life.  I want my children to know that I love them no matter what.  If that's all my children remember about me - that they were loved - then life will have been worth it.  Now, an extra bonus would be ..... if they ALSO say, "I know my mom loved me.  Do you remember when she would pick us up at the airport in a COW COSTUME?!" Yes. THEN I would certainly 'rest in peace'.

Family trip back East

Just another cow day!

I pray that each of us is leaving a legacy worth remembering.  Whether you be remembered by family, friends, neighbors or even a stranger you affected along the way, I pray it is a legacy that touches others in a good way.  Because, remember, you are NEVER ALONE in this thing called Life. There is ALWAYS someone walking with you, next to you or near you.  Your legacy is being made with each breath you take, each step you make, each choice you make and each day you live.


Legacy on!!


Much love to you all,

Debbie

Jennifer's 2013 graduation

Just building family memories

Our 'babies'

Dad teaching his boys how to 'skip'
rocks back East

Another family 5k run!

Back East - making memories

 

At the White House -
Brandon's future home!

More family memories

Family Christmas 2016

Trekking up to Utah...

    

Dropping Michael off for college
up in Idaho

Just some more fun times!!

In Europe with our baby

     

Michael wanted to go to L.A.
for this - so Mom went with
him!

  

Down but NOT out

Usually I like to post something uplifting or something that will bring a smile to one's face.  This time....well, this time will be a bit different.  Recently I had a week from "hell", emotional hell.  I know some will read this post and think, "THAT'S what she calls "hell"?" and that's ok.  I realize others have it much worse but I'm not comparing my hard times with anyone else's.  I have a pretty good life.  No real big obstacles, so when one DOES present itself, in whatever form, it is still an obstacle, nonetheless.

So, here's a week in the life of me......some of you may relate, others may say "big deal".  And, again, that's OK.

Monday of that week I was informed by someone that a certain mom didn't want 'that woman' (referring to me) to know something about her child because "she's my neighbor and it's no one's business and plus, she's a gossip."  I'm a WHAT???  I was shocked that someone I deemed my friend would say something like that.  I purposely don't know a lot of what's going on in my neighborhood or even with my church friends (unless they tell me) so that I don't get labeled a 'gossip' or someone that hangs out with the 'gossipers'.  I asked my husband later that evening if he thought I was a gossip.  He said, "I don't think you're a gossip.  You ask questions and that may lead people to believe you're a gossip."  I told him, "Asking questions and getting answers doesn't mean I'm going to share it with anyone. There's a big difference between asking questions and then SHARING it with others (gossip)".  He agreed.  I then asked another friend if I was known as a 'gossip'.  She said, "I don't think you're a gossip at all.  You DO like to talk but that's not good or bad.  It's just you."  Ok, I appreciated that she thinks I'm not a gossip but still not too sure how to take that last part.  Yes, I like to talk but it's not about OTHERS.  I talk about me, my family, the news, the weather, food, my next craft night and yes, even politics. Perhaps others are talked about, but in a good way - definitely not gossip garbage.  If that's a bad thing, then I'm guilty.  And asking questions....I ask because I'm interested in you and what you do.  If someone doesn't want to give me an answer to a question, then so be it.  I'm no worse off except I know a little bit less about you.  If you DO answer my questions that just means we know each other a bit better.  It has NOTHING to do with being a gossip.

Heck, I've had many things shared with me that never passed back through my lips.  Two friends were (still are) pregnant but didn't want anyone to know until they were ready to share the good news.  They've shared the news and I STILL haven't talked about it with anyone.  A friend is going through a difficult divorce and I haven't breathed a word about it.  I had one sweet friend share something about her past with me and to this day, I've never said a word....not even to my husband.  I may even know something about YOU and yet, I haven't told anyone else.  It was still difficult knowing someone I considered a friend was spreading GOSSIP about ME being a gossip when in actuality, she's the true gossip (since she was talking bad about me).


I do a lot of subbing in the local school district.  I sub as an aide for special needs students, a campus supervisor, cafeteria worker, attendance clerk, noon duty 'lady' and even an aide on the bus (not the driver, though! You wouldn't want ME driving a bus! Have mercy and save the children!!).

I've posted my experiences on our local community page for the last four years.  I've had nothing but positive feedback and "thank you for posting that!"  I NEVER say what school I've been to or use student names.  I ONLY post the good, heart warming stories or something funny that happened.  I see so many negative posts, even on the community page, so I try to add a bit of uplifting stuff as often as I can.  Mind you, I don't post EVERY time I sub, just when something strikes me funny or exceptionally uplifting.




Thursday of this same week, I posted a very heartwarming, uplifting story about how I saw a general ed student interacting with a special needs student.  I expressed my thoughts and feelings about how I felt years before I started working with students with special needs and how my eyes have "been opened" after working with these sweet students and watching how others treat these sweet, special needs children. I'm purposely NOT posting what I posted to the community Facebook page because I don't want to turn this blog post into a controversial discussion.  Suffice it to say, my post was well received by many on that community page (over 48,000 members in that group) .....EXCEPT by a small group of people.  I was "attacked" by one woman asking what my motive was for posting..."Is it to see how many 'likes' you can get? Is it to be popular? Do you write all this stuff down so you can run home and post it on FB? I don't know WHY you feel the need to post any stories since you are a district employee." Yes, she REALLY wanted to know why I would post a feel good story on a community page (STILL shaking my head at that comment).  A few other women got all "up in arms" about the wording of my post.  Even when I tried to explain myself further, it just gave them more "ammo" to attack me with.  Basically, these are mother's of children with special needs and when I suggested that maybe "some children may never learn due to their mental capabilities but we are learning from these sweet children" -- well, I was attacked.

I have never and would never say anything negative or derogatory towards ANYONE with special needs, especially on a public forum like that and even doubly especially since I work in the district and WANT TO KEEP MY JOB.  Well, this small group of moms, contacted the school where I had a few sub jobs set up and told them about my "horrible post".  I met with one of the administrators and was told "If you take your post and read it line by line, I can see where your post can be offensive...."  Needless to say, I was dismissed from working at that school - at least for the rest of this school year, maybe forever.

I was stunned.  I was shocked that a truly simple, heartfelt post (posted with nothing but love behind it) could be taken so out of context as to be deemed 'rude and offensive'.  Sure, if you read just about ANY writing line by line you could take offense.  But as a whole, the writing makes sense.  Most writings are meant to be read in it's entirety, not line by line and dissected.

My husband is a man that always says, "When something goes wrong, I try to reflect on it and see what I can do or could have done to make it better."  I'm here to tell you, I REALLY reflected hard on the gossip issue and even harder on the FB post issue.  I haven't been on FB since this happened because I was just so shocked.  "They" say (and who are the "they" people anyway?) when something traumatic happens our body can go into shock.  Well, I honestly believe my SOUL was in shock.  I felt emotionally beat up.  I didn't know how to make this better because I couldn't find where the 'problem' was.  I read and re-read my FB post.  I thought and re-thought what I may have said or done to make my friend call me a gossip.  I took a week and a half off of FB to figure out what I did or where I went wrong.

I went into a bit of a depression.  It didn't last long because I realized I can't control what others think of me.  This 'friend' may have been having a rough time in life and decided to throw me under the bus to make her feel better.  These mom's obviously have glasses that, no matter how full they are, will always be half empty.

I decided it was time to get out of my slump.  I had a few people suggest that I stay off FB or other social media because it just gets ugly.  That's like telling me to avoid London because of the terrorist bombings or avoid other areas because of the crime.  So basically, let the "bad" run me and what I do?  No.  Not this woman.  If you can look at a heartwarming post or a well thought out letter and find the bad in it, then sadly, your glass will always be half empty.  There's nothing I can do to change you and I shouldn't 'allow' you to try and change me.  I shouldn't have to avoid places (social media places or actual cities, etc) because a small group of people are bullies.  Some people are simply small minded, self absorbed, negative people.  I don't need that in my life.  And I refuse to allow 'those' people to control me, my life, or my feelings.

This blog is all about never being alone.  NEVER ALONE....we should never feel alone.  Sadly, that 'hell' week, I felt alone.  I had my husband and a few close friends that sent me messages and let me know I was loved.  That certainly helped.  I caught a small glimpse of what it's like to truly feel alone.  I felt my "character assassination" was going to be the death of me.  I'd never experienced something so hurtful and crushing.  I'd never known people to be so mean and "out to get me" before. I've never REALLY considered suicide but for a brief moment, I saw where something like this could lead people to the edge.  When you feel alone, like no one cares, no one is there for you, life isn't worth it....remember that you ARE cared about, someone IS there for you and life IS worth it.  Yes, I know....my 'trial week' was nothing compared to what others go through in life. I'm not trying to compare, though. I'm simply sharing MY experience. Maybe someone out there is going or has gone through a time like this.  But this I DO know, I am loved by more than those that don't love me.  I may not have a best girlfriend that I tell my deepest darkest secrets to but I have a Heavenly Father that knows me and loves me.  Sometimes even THAT is difficult to grasp because I want Him here, so I can see him.  But, He sends others in His stead.  Maybe YOU aren't the one that feels alone but rather, you are the hands our Heavenly Father sends to help someone who does feel alone.

May anyone reading this, that has ever felt alone, know that you are loved by more than don't love you.  Our trials, no matter how big or small, truly DO make us stronger.  I've got other little trials I'm still going through but with Him and those helping hands He sends my way, I know I will get though this.  I am loved....and so are you. I am NEVER ALONE.....and neither are you.

Love,

Debbie