My Footprints

Within the last 19 years I have lost people that meant a lot to me.  First I lost my daddy.  He was about 50 years old.  His heart just gave up.  Then, a few years later, I lost my grandma (my dad's mom).  She was a sweet woman - somewhere in her 70's (maybe even 80's), I think.  I'm not 100% sure what she died from....cancer?  Some time after that, I lost my sweet 17 year old nephew to leukemia.  My granddaddy (yes, my dad's dad and grandma's husband) passed away a few years ago. He was in his late 80's, I think.  I don't know what his actual cause of death was but I know he missed my grandma.  And just this past November (the 26th, to be exact), my mom passed away.  She was 71 and had been battling diabetes, which lead to other complications and then colon cancer came along. Her heart finally gave up.

But DON'T STOP READING.....this post isn't a sad post, I PROMISE!

Daddy, Me and Jennifer

I only tell you about "my" losses to open a few thoughts up to you.  You see, when I think of my daddy (yes, even at 49 years of age, I still refer to him as my daddy) I think of a man that loved others.  He wasn't a church goer or a religious man but he had a big heart.  He actually died a homeless man.  Nevertheless, he was loving and kind.  Don't get me wrong...he wasn't perfect and yes, he had a temper and he even used foul language, smoked and drank.  But, when I remember him I remember the man that loved others and treated others with kindness.

Grandma and my Daddy
(couldn't find a pic of
Grandaddy at my finger
tips)

Then there's my grandma and my granddaddy.  They were a great pair.  I have fond memories of being with them as a young child.  My parents divorced when I was a baby but I always spent time with my grandparents.  I learned that grits and fried eggs were DELICIOUS, or maybe it's because they were made with love by my southern "grown" grandma.  Granddaddy always took us in the backyard to see the big old tortoise and feed him lettuce.  We would go over the "thinking cap" bridge whenever we would go out on drives with Granddaddy.  They were good people.  All their neighbors knew and loved them!

Cory

Cory - my 17 year old nephew.  He was a "good boy".  Perfect?  Nah. But a good, respectful young man with a heart of gold and a smile that lit up a room.  I remember him playing the piano one time and he looked at me and said, "Aunt Debbie!  Wanna watch me 'tickle the ivories'??" Whenever I hear that phrase, I think of Cory and the love for life he had. He left a lasting footprint in the lives of all those he came in contact with. He was loved deeply by his peers at school and even his leaders.  In fact, the school asked if we could hold his funeral on a Saturday so the administration team could attend - along with A LOT of the student body. Yes.  He left footprints - GOOD footprints, for sure.

Mom and me - a few years ago

Mom.  Mom and I didn't have that tight, close-knit, mother-daughter relationship that others have but we still had a good relationship.  She was always willing to help others.  She loved feeling needed. She WANTED to be needed.  Christmastime each year (she lived with us for 7 years) she would donate money or gifts to strangers, either through an organization or through a friend.  She just made sure she donated something to someone.  Our children have fond memories of my mom living with us.  We would play games or watch TV with her.  She would take them to 7-11 to get slurpees just for the heck of it.  She was a giver...not always, but she DID give.

So, what does this have to do with anything?  Well, as I was pondering on what to blog about for my last post for 2016 I thought about writing about resolutions.  I mean EVERYONE does at least one resolution each year, right?  But then I thought, who wants to read about resolutions?  That would be so easy and "typical".

Then I thought about people in my life....people that have come and gone and the impressions they have left on me - the FOOTPRINTS they have left on my life, on my heart.  Then I thought about ME.....what kind of footprints am I leaving?  When I'm gone, what will be said about me?  What kind of legacy am I leaving behind for others to remember me by?

I want people to remember me for my love for others, my humor (as funny as it may NOT be even), my willingness to help others, my love of family, how I made them feel when they were around me. And THEN I THOUGHT....what if I'm not leaving that kind of footprint in other's lives?  What if I'm being remembered as selfish, unkind, thoughtless, abrasive, etc?  WHAT IF???

So, as we roll into 2017 and make new year's resolutions, perhaps we first think about the FOOTPRINTS we are leaving behind.  Sure, we all want to lose that last 5 pounds (well, for some of us, it may be more like 15 pounds but I'm not telling you my weight!) or start working out more or get a better job or read more books or learn to knit (ha! I already know how to knit so that's not on MY list this year!).  But how many of us think about the footprints we are leaving in the lives of others?  People may not remember that I was a little overweight but they will certainly remember if I was unkind to them.  They will remember how I made them feel when they were around me.  They will remember....they WILL remember.


Some footprints sink deeper in the hearts of others, so let us work harder in 2017 on leaving POSITIVE, LASTING footprints that will cause people to think, "Wow!  She was always a good person" or "I loved being around him.  He always made me feel like a better person."  Even when we think we are travelling this road alone, please remember, you are NEVER ALONE.....because you are always leaving a footprint in someone's life.

Much love and happiness to you all!  And Happy New Year!  May 2017 bring you joy and happiness and the strength to make it through whatever comes your way!!

Debbie

Was it Enough?

Do you ever wonder, "Did I do enough? Could I have done more?  Could I have been better?"

Well, the answer to each of those questions is "Yes. Yes. And yes."  But if I answered "yes" to the first question, then the other two questions aren't necessary.....or are they?

Mom/Grandma - holding the signs
to welcome Jennifer home from her
mission - 18 months away from home

I've had a lot to reflect on this past week.  My 71 year old mother passed away on November 26th. She had lived with us for 7 years.  She was diagnosed with colon cancer two months ago. But THAT didn't take her from us.  See, about 10 years ago she had part of her right leg amputated.  She suffered from diabetes. She was diagnosed with diabetes later in life and never really took good enough care of herself to prevent complications from arising.  So, along with losing part of her leg, she also lost part of her life.  Her life was never going to be what it was before the surgery. We brought her home to live with us - a small family of five, now six.

Thanksgiving 2016
The last family picture with
Mom/Grandma

I told my husband, "I'm kind of looking forward to having my mom live with us.  We never really had that close mother/daughter relationship so this just may be what it takes to develop that closeness."  I should have known that only fairy tales have happily ever after endings.  It was an up and down ride for seven years.  There were times we got along great. And there were times I wished she could grow another leg and move out to be on her own again.  Don't get me wrong.  I loved my mother.  I never had harsh words with her.  I never told her I hated her.  I never said things that would cause me regret later in life.

However, now that she's gone, I've asked myself those same three questions...."Did I do enough? Could I have done more?  Could I have been better?"  Those are the questions that haunt me because the answers all end up being YES.

Don being silly - pretending to be
asleep on Mom's lap

Did I do enough?  Yes - with the relationship I had with my mother, yes, I did enough.  My mom didn't allow me to be more than what I was to her.  She loved me.  I know she loved me.  I always wanted more of a relationship but that wasn't meant to be. With the relationship we had, we weren't best friends, but we weren't enemies either.  I was there for her for seven years.  When she was sick, I was there.  When she was hungry, I was there. When her dog needed to be taken care of, I was there. When she wanted to go grab a bite to eat, I was there.  We did things together.  We laughed together. We cried together.  We fought together.  But in the end, we were both there for each other....as much as we would allow the other to be.

Could I have done more?  Yes.  I could have spent MORE time with her.  I could have shown more love and compassion toward her.  I could have invited her to more places with me.  I could have laughed more with her.  I could have done A LOT more with my mom....and the same could be said about her....about you....about the person next to you.  We can ALL do more.

June 2013 - Jennifer's high school
graduation. Grandma was there

Could I have been better?  Yes.  I could have been a better daughter, just as she could have been a better mother, just as I can have been a better friend, sister, neighbor.  See, we can ALL be better at whatever we are, whatever we are doing.  It's just a matter of taking that extra step.  Just when we think we're done...take one more step.  Do a little better.

I have learned things about my mom, since her passing, that I didn't know about her.  People have reached out to me telling me "She always sent cards to me for my birthday." Or, "We mailed books to each other all the time.  She started it.  I loved getting her books each month."  Even, "Your mom always made me laugh. We loved having her around."  I didn't know so many people knew and loved my mom.

I used to tease her about paying her bills.  She worked for the post office YEARS ago but she never mailed her payments if the place was local.  She would always go into Target or Kohl's or Verizon to pay her bills.  It wasn't until after her death when one of my brothers and I were talking that I realized that she paid her bills in person because she wanted to be with people.  My mom was a people person.  I realized too late that I should have spent more time with my mom because that's all she wanted....was to be with people.

Feb. 2016 - picking Jennifer up
from the airport - Mom was with us

My mom was not the easiest person to get along with all the time. Not many people can claim that personality trait.  Being a likeable person 24/7 takes a lot of work for some of us.  Some come by it naturally.  My mom tried to be a good person all the time. Perhaps in the eyes of others, she was.  In my eyes she was a flawed individual with a giving heart.  She wasn't perfect but neither am I.  She liked telling people, "I looked just like Debbie when I was her age."  I hated it every time she said that.  Now? Well, I don't mind it now.  I don't mind that she thought we were built from the same mold.  My flawed mother was a good woman with a lot to offer.  Many saw it. Many admired it. Many will miss her.  I will miss her.

I told a neighbor that my mom passed away.  She said something profound that I will never forget: "Your mom loved life.  She just wasn't able to ENJOY it anymore."  I believe that's why she finally let eternal sleep take over.  If you stop enjoying what you love, it's time to move on.  My mom has moved on.  She is in a better place.  She has TWO legs now.  She is with her mom and dad and other people that know and love her.  I will see her again some day.  And maybe THEN we will have that close relationship I'd always wanted.

Thanksgiving 2016
34 hours before she passed

Did I do enough?  Could I have done more?  Could I have been better? Was it enough?  Yes.  And I will continue to do more, be better, give 'enough' so that others will feel loved and accepted like my mom tried to do.  We all want to be loved.  We all want to be needed.  Don't let another day pass without making someone feel loved.  Reach out to that person that may appear lonely.  Embrace them.  Accept them for who they are. We can help someone else not feel so alone.  Sometimes we feel alone but please always remember, and never forget, we are NEVER ALONE even when we are by ourselves.  People are with us....even when we can't see them.

I love you, Mom.
Love,

Debbie

Skeletons in My Closet

EDIT:
Because of a comment by someone, I feel the unnecessary need to clarify "Saint" as used in my original title. I was NOT referring to ME as a "holy person", such as St. Peter. I was merely referring to me as a saint....a believer in Christ, not perfect, but trying to be better each day (similar to Paul's reference in the Bible when he referred to the people of a certain area as "saints"....as in a group of believers). I am sorry for anyone that misunderstood my "saint" reference.

Now, back to the blog post......enjoy!

You know that proverbial saying - "We all have skeletons in our closet", right?  I'm sure some skeletons can tell bigger tales than other skeletons.  Perhaps this post would be better served if I did it in the Spring....where we could all clean out that "closet" and get rid of those skeletons as part of our Spring cleaning.  But then there's that other saying - "There's no better time like the present" - or something like that.  So, here goes.....!

I recently posted something on my Facebook page about "don't judge me. Love me and accept me but don't judge me."  I thought more about that post the last few days.  Those thoughts have been nagging away at me until I finally decided to sit here and "confess" to all of you. Like I said in my Facebook post - I'm not perfect.  I've never claimed perfection.  However, not many people post their failings and disappointments all over social media.  We WANT people to think we're "perfect" or live a super great life.  We don't tend to let people into the "mess" of our lives.  If I know company is coming over, I grab the vacuum cleaner and get the floors done.  I may even grab a cloth and get the shelves dusted.  I will certainly clean off the counter tops, and fluff the pillows on the couch and even open the blinds to let the sunshine in!  I want you to see my house looking NICE and CLEAN. Isn't that how we present OURSELVES, too?  Now, mind you, that's NOT A BAD THING. I really don't want to answer the door with morning breath and my hair sticking in a hundred different directions.  I don't want to scare anyone and cause them not to like me or not want to come over anymore.

Maybe that's why we keep those skeletons in that closet....because if we introduced them to everyone, well, they just may run the other direction (the people, not the skeletons!). I think sometimes we like to look at certain people and say, "Man, I wish I had the perfect life that they have" because we want to hope that our own lives could be better.  But, if we knew their skeletons, we would know that person is just as "normal" as we are.

I was once trying to get a point across to our then teenage daughter. I don't remember what the message was that I was sharing with her but during this little "talk" with her I mentioned how I had tried alcohol when I was younger (it went along with the moral of the story). Well, that skeleton kind of freaked her out.  She lost the whole message, the whole moral of the story, because she was stuck on the fact that her "perfect" mom had tried alcohol before.  She just couldn't get past the fact that I wasn't "perfect".  (Side note - she's fine now and still loves her "IMperfect" mom. ;) ).

My husband and I were raised in the same religion and yet came from completely different backgrounds.  His family was very religious - church every week, family prayer, family scripture study, mom and dad happily married, etc.  My family, on the other hand, was just the opposite. I don't want to throw anyone in my family under the bus so I'll just say that we didn't do anything like my husband's family did.  In fact, my parents divorced when I was about two so I don't even know what it's like to have a father in the home.

Anyway, I experienced different things in my growing up years than my husband did.  I was a cheerleader (school mascot) in high school.  I would go to all the parties after the football games. Everyone knew I was the "good Mormon girl" and didn't drink so when we played the drinking game "Quarters" people liked sitting by me because when I got my quarter in the shot glass, the person sitting NEXT to me got to drink my shot. So, was I REALLY the "good Mormon girl"?  In a word, yes.  In action?  Perhaps I shouldn't have been at those parties but I REALLY wanted to be accepted and have friends.  I was always looking for love in all the wrong places (and if you just sang that line to the music then you and I are meant to be friends forever!).  

It wasn't until after high school that I tasted alcohol.  I tried beer with my high school sweetheart. That's the most nasty tasting stuff ever.  I suppose there's worse tasting stuff but I never went THAT far. I tried champagne once and didn't like it either.  I just wasn't meant to be a drinker - for which I'm glad for that.

I never did drugs, worried about STD's, smoked cigarettes or even used foul language.  I was, for all intents and purposes, a 'good girl'.....I just lived a different life than my husband.  I even wore a bikini at one point in my life (when I had the body that looked good in a bikini! Now I should probably wear a mumu!).

Well, these "skeletons" came out of the closet while I was dating my future husband.  He, at one point, said to me, "I don't think I can handle your past."  I remember that evening.  I looked at him and said, "I've been judged once by the Lord. I will NOT be judged by you" and I turned and walked away.  He later talked to his bishop (ecclesiastical leader) - who also happened to be his brother - and sought his advice.  Keep in mind, my "past" that he was referring to happened BEFORE I served an 18 month mission for my church, BEFORE I was truly converted to the Lord, BEFORE I had a deep testimony of the Gospel.  His bishop/brother, in all his wisdom, looked at him and said, "What are you looking for? She is a return missionary.  She has a testimony of the Gospel. And she wants an eternal family. What more do you want?"  I will be forever grateful to that brother-in-law and the counsel he gave to my future husband.

I had a friend tell me about a situation with her daughter.  She and her daughter and her daughter's friend were talking.  They shared how one of their friends had done something "bad" with his girlfriend. Then both girls said they could never date a guy that would do something like that (a morality issue) because it's against what they believe.  She told them 'Then why bother repenting if he's just going to be judged for his mistake for the rest of his life?  Doesn't the Atonement take care of our sins?'  I guess that "woke" those girls up real quick.  She said they looked really shocked that they hadn't thought of that point.

From a religious standpoint - that mom is correct.  Doesn't the Atonement of Jesus Christ take care of our skeletons?  Isn't our closet cleaned out when we repent?

From a non-religious standpoint (and a religious one, too, I guess) - do we really want to keep living in our past?  Do we want or allow our past to dictate our future?

Notice how skeletons have no meat on them?  They are dried up, brittle bones.  They have no substance to them and are of no use except on Halloween when you decorate your house with "scary" stuff.  That's exactly what our past mistakes, past bad decisions are....dried up, brittle and of no use. We can certainly LEARN from our past.  But to carry those skeletons with us wherever we go?  That just seems pointless.  What a burden to bear, an unnecessary burden at that.


I'm going to access this from a religious standpoint - but please feel free to apply it to your life as you see fit.  I am not perfect.  I have made many mistakes in my life.  My growing up years were difficult. I made decisions that I regret.  I can't undo what's been done.  I can live in regret and never feel true happiness.  I can reveal all my sins to you and let you judge me (as is human nature, I guess) and perhaps seeing my flaws will make you feel like a better person because "I would never have done what SHE did." I can let those skeletons dictate my life - afraid people will see them and run from me and avoid me.  I can never forgive myself and live miserably because of my past.

OR

I can apply the Atonement of Jesus Christ to my life.  I can know He loves me regardless of my past. I can walk tall, with my head held high, knowing I am on the right path.  I can learn from my past and create a better future.  I can know that I've been forgiven by the one that matters most and I need to forgive myself.  I can admit that I am not perfect but will continue to try and be a better person each day.  I can love myself - because I am worthy of being loved.





I am NEVER ALONE....and neither are you.

Close that closet.  Those skeletons aren't there.....the Lord took care of them.

Much love,
Your imperfect friend,
Debbie

Keep moving forward

This YouTube video caused me to reflect a little on life, my life.  Am I sometimes like that dog...afraid to take the next step?  Afraid of what MIGHT happen?  Am I sometimes like that monkey...pulling my friends or family along, helping them get to the next phase, adventure, challenge in life?






We should ALWAYS be moving forward because if we're not, then we're just sitting there (or even going backwards), like the dog.  Imagine if he didn't have his monkey friend there to pull him, encourage him to keep moving forward.  What if the dog just sat down, afraid to keep going forward? I suppose he could have gone back the way he came....which would have meant he was going backward.  There are few things in life we can go back and change so it would seem to me that going backward or standing still would prevent us from progressing.

Aren't we all wanting to progress?  Whether it's doing laundry and seeing those dirty clothes become clean, folded and put away (now THAT'S progress!) or attending college and graduating and pursuing a career.  In both of these analogies (as contrasting as they are) you see progress.  You feel good about what you've done.  I'm not one to usually sit back and do nothing.  I always try to keep moving forward.  Sure, I get scared at times but it's usually that fear that motivates me to just "go for it".

I love life.  If I'm not running a race, doing a craft, knitting a blanket or hosting a gathering then I feel like I'm not doing all I can to keep moving forward.  Sure, the races (5k's, 10k's, half marathons, triathlons) OBVIOUSLY keep me moving forward by virtue of wanting to finish....and the finish line is always in front of me, BUT, that means that in between races I need to be exercising to keep myself in some kind of shape to run/race. So, again, I feel I am progressing.  Crafts? Knitting? Both of those consist of me researching which craft I want to do or item I want to knit.  I am searching the Internet for the right craft and then I do a couple of samples to see how they turn out.  Same with my knitting. I just keep moving forward, until I complete each project and then begin the next one.  As for hosting gatherings....I enjoy being with people so I host Pinterest nights (where we do the crafts I've experimented with) monthly (or at least try to do four a year), ice cream socials and even a ladies Christmas social every year.  I'm moving forward or progressing with each "event" as we strengthen friendships by visiting and even uplifting one another.

I firmly believe we weren't meant to go through this earthly life ALONE.  We each need a "monkey" to help us through life.  We may even need to BE that monkey once in a while....helping our friends along the way (and yes....sometimes PULLING them forward).  Whatever you do, don't think you need to do it ALONE.  Just keep moving forward. Keep progressing.  Run a race, complete a craft, knit a blanket attend or host a gathering....just DO SOMETHING TO KEEP YOURSELF MOVING FORWARD.  If you aren't moving forward, it's likely you are standing still or even, sadly, going backward.

As we move forward together we will NEVER be ALONE.  I'm right there beside you, hopping from stepping stone to stepping stone.  I'll even wait for you so we can jump that last BIG step together!

Much love,

Debbie

Repel or Attract??

I will admit that I enjoy playing a video game every now and again.  Ok...I play one at least once a day.  I actually enjoy this particular video game.  Why?  Well, if you have the sound up, you hear the "guy in the game" tell you "AWESOME" or "SWEET" or something that makes you feel like you did something good.  No wonder people enjoy that game.  We're always being told what a great job we're doing....even if we lose at that level.  We just keep clicking "retry" until we conquer that level.  (Side note - I have NEVER paid anything to keep playing. I simply wait until time has gone by and more lives are given to me).  There are a few games I don't like because either I'm not good at them or they don't "make me feel good" so I just avoid them.

That's kind of like people in our lives.  There are some that just make you feel like a better person after you've talked to them or spent time with them.  Then there are those that, well, that leave you feeling empty or spent.  Some people can just suck the life out of you.  It's almost a chore to be around them....you do it because it's what needs to be done but you're so glad when you're "done" being with them because now you can relax.

So, here's for some self reflection time - which one are you? 

Imagine you are a magnet.  Are you the side that attracts others to you or the side that repels them away from you?

Notice the first picture.....it's a magnet that others are attracted to.  The second one is of magnets that are repelling each other, thus the distance between them.


I have a friend that went through a bad break up a few years ago.  I was there for her when her heart was broken.  After a while I thought she would get "better" and become a happier person as time went on.  Well, it was months later and she had become very bitter.  All she ever talked about was how unhappy she was and how miserable life was for her.  It got to where I couldn't handle being around her.  She was so negative.  She was like the second magnet above...repelling me away from her.  I have another friend.  We are Facebook friends as well as "real life" friends.  I had to finally "un-follow" her on Facebook because her posts were so negative.  I just didn't like reading her posts because there was NOTHING good in them.  I always felt worse after reading ANYTHING on her page.  We are still friends but I just choose to stay away from her page.

Then there's this other friend.  I see her once or twice a year.  She is ALWAYS pleasant to be around.  I ALWAYS feel happy when I see her and spend time with her.  She seems to always have people in her life that enjoy being with her. Whenever we chat she tells me what she's been up to and it seems to usually involve being with other people.  She just seems to attract people to her.  She is like the first magnet.


I am married to a very smart and kind man.  He comes home from work frequently and tells me stories about things that happened to him at work that day.  Well, I give him MY advice on what I would do and what I think HE should have done, only to find out he's done just the opposite.  After hearing his "side" of the story I realize he handled it in such a way that the other person or people involved don't hate him or aren't mad at him.  If he were a magnet, they would still be "attracted" to him.  He doesn't repel people (usually).  Disclaimer:  I am married to a wonderful man but he is NOT perfect. Haha - don't walk away from this post thinking I'm married to a perfect man. :)  He has made it a point, when he's speaking with someone, to try to do a lot of asking of questions about the person he's talking with.  He wants to let that person know that they mean something....that they are important. He has told me on many occasions, "Deb, I ask myself -- did that person walk away from me feeling like a better person?"

With that said, this post is mainly for each of us to reflect upon the type of person we are or the type of person we want to become.  Are we the attracting magnet or the one that repels?  Do people walk away from us thinking, "I really enjoy being around her" OR "Gee, I hope I don't bump into her again"?

Take a moment and decide today how you can be a little better tomorrow.  It may not be instantly, but step by step, no matter how big or how small those steps may be, we can do better.  We can BE better tomorrow than we were today.

And remember, you are NEVER ALONE.....especially if you are "attracting" people to you!!

Much love,

Debbie

Endangered? Almost Extinct?

Camp Pendleton Del Mar Beach

This past summer our family went to the beach.  We enjoy going to the beach.  This particular time we went to the Del Mar Beach on Camp Pendleton in Oceanside, California.  It was later in the afternoon and the beach wasn't very crowded.  I went for a little walk along the water.  The waves were crashing at my feet as I walked.  I observed children and families playing, building sand sculptures, boogie boarding, looking for seashells and just generally having a good time.  As I walked further along the sand I came to a portion of the beach where we weren't "allowed" to go any further.  I discovered it was a protected area for some birds.  These weren't just any birds.  They were birds that are on the endangered species list - the California Least Tern. (Side note: That section of beach is also used for training exercises during certain parts of the year when it's not being used as a breeding ground for these endangered birds.)

California Least Tern 

As I turned around and began walking back to our beach area I thought to myself, "That's fantastic that they provide a place for these little birds to be protected so that they don't become extinct." As I was talking to my husband about this I told him, "I think this could be a great idea for a blog post." I'm sure he was wondering what does a beach, birds and a protected area have to do with anything worth reading about on a blog?  Well, let me tell you.

Notice how there are a lot of things that USED to be around but are now extinct?  Dinosaurs. When is the last time anyone has seen a dinosaur (and I'm not talking about your great, great, great grandparent!)?  Woolly Mammoths. They're extinct.  And those poor little Dodo birds (yes, they were real birds that DID exist!).....last one died in 1681.

What about the TELEPHONE?  You know, the one hooked to the wall?  The one that you had to stand next to the phone while talking to someone because it wasn't a cordless phone? 

Oh never mind.
Here's a picture:

Yep - "back in the day" we had to actually sit down and TALK to the other person.  We didn't really have anything to distract us because we couldn't go too far from the phone if our cord wasn't very long.  We were able to spend time yakking about anything and everything.  We laughed out loud (LITERALLY - and we didn't say LOL, we actually LAUGHED TOGETHER). We talked about the guy we liked. My girlfriends and I would decide what to wear to the next school dance as we TALKED on the phone.

We didn't have cellphones so we weren't able to text each other. We actually had to literally pick up the phone, dial the number and hear each other's voices when we wanted to communicate to another person.  Imagine that!  I remember having to hide under my covers at night when this cute boy I liked called me and my mom would yell "Debbie! Hang up the phone!" I had a phone in my room so I would hide myself under the blankets while talking to Rudy for hours....until I got caught, darn it! No texting.....all talking!

Internet service....finally!

"I have service now, too!"

Our family went on a family trip this past summer.  We drove from California to Idaho to Colorado. There was a stretch between Idaho and Colorado where there was NO phone or Internet reception. Our children were going crazy! One son was so frustrated that he "cussed out" our phone service (just to us - not actually to Sprint) and wanted to throw his cellphone out the window.  When we finally got to a place where there was Internet service you would think our family had just discovered GOLD!  Everyone was so happy to be able to check Facebook, snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and whatever other social media outlet there was.  I have a picture of our family at the restaurant (posted above)....everyone was on their cellphone on social media. I had to laugh because NO ONE was talking to each other...everyone was on social media. It's like we were all there but no one was there all at the same time.


What about the art of letter writing?  Now with Facebook there doesn't seem to be a "need" or even a "desire" to sit down and communicate with someone the "old fashion way".  When we couldn't call someone (maybe it was too expensive to make calls 'back in the day' or the other person didn't have a phone) we would WRITE A LETTER or send a note. Can you imagine opening your mailbox and only getting bills or junk mail everyday? That could get depressing. Every year for the past 24 years for my birthday I knew no matter what happened, no matter who DIDN'T remember my birthday I would get a birthday card IN THE MAIL from my mother-in-law. With her declining health, that has since stopped, however, without fail, on my birthday (or a day or two before or after) I would get a lovely card from her. She has no idea how much that meant to me to not only be remembered but for her to actually take the time to get, write and send a card to me.

Endangered birds....

The art of communication. It is on the verge of extinction. It is an "endangered species".  It seems like people just don't communicate like they used to.  Is it any wonder that many people actually feel ALONE?  As much as this new technology can bring us together....across the country, across oceans....it also has the ability to put communication, ACTUAL COMMUNICATION, on the endangered species list.  So, put down your cellphone, turn off your social media and pick up a pen and write a letter to someone or pick up your phone and CALL someone.  Don't text, but CALL them. Go visit an old friend, rekindle a relationship with a friend you haven't seen in ages or simply sit around the dinner table or in the family room and chat with your family or play a game. You will NEVER be ALONE when you are communicating with others....REAL communication.

You are NEVER ALONE.....except when you are in a room filled with people and they're all on social media.  Let's NOT let communication become like the California Least Tern (endangered) or worse....like the Woolly Mammoth and become extinct.

Love to you all,
Debbie

P.S. Give me a call or send me a letter!! Let's communicate!! ;)

Everybody has a story

I LOVE to read.  I love to put myself in the setting or realm of some of the characters I read about. I'm more into mystery, detective romance stories.  I mean, really, what girl doesn't dream about the man that saves her from her kidnappers and they fall in love and live happily ever after?!  He searches the world over and knows what the villains are up to and even predicts their next move before THEY do!  Then suddenly, bam! He races in and saves the day!

The details fascinate me.  The authors usually have some sort of connection to the topic or field of knowledge they pursue in their writing.  I've read books by retired judges, police officers, military spouses, teachers and even plain, old everyday people that just have GREAT imaginations.  It never ceases to amaze me what these authors come up with.  I've read books (most are fictional) where a child has been abducted and some new, start up detective partners up with law enforcement and he, with little to no experience, solves the case, finds the child, single handedly takes down the bad guy and then ends up with the best looking cop on the planet and they sail off into the sunset together. Sigh....be still my heart.

But alas, eventually I have to step back into reality.  I have to put the book(s) down and be me - Debbie - wife - mom - friend - worker - daughter - sister - neighbor.  It's not so bad.  I rather enjoy my life.  As much as I would LOVE the adventure, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be a Kate Beckett with her hot Richard Castle sidekick, turned lover, turned husband.  My adventure would probably resemble more of Lucy and her sidekick, Ethel.  I can see me now in that chocolate factory wrapping candy and having that conveyor belt going crazy and me fighting with the chocolate and having to stuff some in my mouth.  Ok, let's be real here. That's probably more of a DREAM of mine than a "bad adventure".

Then there's the stories of others.  The stories we know nothing about.  The real life stories.....

I recently had a short term subbing position at an elementary school.  I was able to work with many students.  I recall one morning I was assisting a young boy that just did NOT want to do anything. He had a scowl on his face and was just giving me grief.  I remember sitting close enough to him to smell his body odor...and it wasn't a pleasant smell.  I wondered to myself, "Man! I wonder what kind of home-life he has."  I kind of felt bad for him and yet part of me was being judgmental thinking he should take better care of his hygiene and change his attitude, too.

Later that day I talked to an adult that knew his story.  She told me that his mom worked a hard job that took her out of the home a lot. The older siblings took care of him and she knew nothing about a dad in the mix.  He usually had a pop tart for breakfast and mac and cheese for dinner.  Then she told me, "His mom is awesome. She loves him and supports him in everything. She does her best with what she has."  I felt substantially chastised....not by this person, but rather chastised by myself!  I realized that EVERYBODY HAS A STORY.

Sometimes we are so busy judging a book by it's cover that we don't take the time to open it and read. It takes effort to read a book/story.  It takes time.  Sometimes it doesn't start getting good until you're in about 20-30 pages.  Can you imagine what YOUR life would be like if someone just looked at your cover and didn't take the time to "read" your story?

What I learned this short time I was subbing at this school is EVERYBODY has a story.  Every character in their story is REAL. There's no fiction.  It's real life.  I've learned that some books need to be opened and browsed a little before we decide to read it or discard it.

I hope we will each take the time to learn someone's story.  You may feel alone along the path of life as your story is being written.  You may feel like no one cares.  You may truly feel alone.  Just always remember, you're NEVER ALONE.  There really is someone out there writing their story, perhaps feeling alone. But I believe if you opened your book to someone and compared chapters, you would find that you share similar feelings. We are NEVER ALONE because someone, somewhere is writing a similar story to yours, feeling the same thing....just in a different part of the world.

Keep writing your story, friends.  We may not be able to change our past chapters but we can help each other along the way to writing a better, happier 'next' chapter and obtain our own "happily every after".

Love to you all!
Debbie

The Green Dress

A few weeks ago I gave a talk in church.  I've modified it here to make it more of a "non-denominational" message.

Miss Orange County crown and plaque (the sash was too
tarnished and beat up for a picture. But I still have it!)

About 28 years ago I competed in and won a local pageant - Miss Orange County.  With that win, part of my prize package was my paid entry into the Miss California pageant (that would take place that fall), my interview outfit, some other clothing and best of all was my very own custom made evening gown.  My gown was made by a top Beverly Hills designer.  It was BEAUTIFUL.....form fitting in the front with sparkly "stuff" sewn all over it and rhinestone trim around the sleeves and neckline and then a flowing "train" type of back.  I even had 4" heels that were dyed to match my dress!

My evening gown

When it came pageant time, I loaded up my little Honda Accord and headed an hour and a half to the beautiful city of Palm Springs, California....just me and my green dress.  I showed up by myself, found my room and roommate and got ready for the week long festivities.  It was a wonderful week!

My 4" heels

Pageant night - all of the contestants, all 111 of us, were getting ready.  Everyone was taking care of getting themselves ready.  I did my own hair and make up. I had my beautiful green dress on and I felt like a million bucks!  I felt beautiful in my one-of-a-kind dress.  I didn't have any family or friends in attendance -- I don't know why....maybe they didn't think I could win or it was too far to drive???  Let's go with the "too far to drive" reason. ;)

After the pageant was over, there was an after party.  This was where we were able to have our friends and family come back and visit with us and tell us how beautiful we looked and what a wonderful job we did, etc.  I had no one.  The next morning I packed my little Honda Accord back up again and headed home...just me and my green dress. I resumed life "as usual".

My  white "Cinderella" wedding
gown

Now, fast forward three years......It's the morning of my wedding day. My maid of honor and close friend, Cyndi, helped me with my hair and make up.  I wore my beautiful, white wedding gown.  I felt like a modern day Cinderella!  When my soon-to-be-husband and I walked into the room for our wedding ceremony it was FILLED with family and loved ones!  Around 70 to 80 people were there, and that was just for the ceremony.....we're not even talking about the reception - that was an additional 250 to 300 MORE people who came to congratulate us and tell us how happy they were for us.

Right before the officiator began the ceremony he asked Don and me if we had anything to say.  I said, "Every girl dreams about this day and Don has made my dream come true!"

I'm sure girls dream about being crowned Miss California but I'd be willing to bet that more girls dream about their wedding day than they do a pageant day.  As beautiful as I felt in my green dress, nothing compared to my white, wedding dress.

I was never taught in church how to walk in 4" heels or how to walk down stairs while looking OUT at the crowd and the judges (instead of looking down to make sure I didn't trip!).  I never learned in any of my youth group classes how to talk to a judge and give an answer that would make me stand out or how to walk with my shoulders back and my head up.

Our special day....in my white
dress and Don looking fabulous
in his white tux!

I WAS taught to read my scriptures, to pray daily, to feed my soul with spiritual things, and to love others.  I was taught the scriptures and the meaning of the parables. I was taught to try to "be like Jesus".  I was taught that the things of the world weren't nearly as important as the things of God....and when you compare the green dress experience with the white dress experience, it really makes sense.

I didn't have the love and support at the Miss California pageant as I did on my wedding day.  Oh sure, my friends and family wished me well as I took off to the pageant and I'm sure they would have LOVED to see me win. However, there was more love and support on my wedding day.  People traveled from near and far to be there. I'm sure some just showed up to see if it was REALLY happening....Debbie Johnson getting married?!?!  It was a wonderful feeling to see so many friends and family in attendance on our special day giving us their love and support.

Eternal reward....no comparison

As much as I would have loved to have been crowned Miss California, my reward in Heaven, to be crowned with glory and eternal life with my Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ, far out weigh the worldly benefits that being crowned Miss California would have brought.  When we put the things of God first, the rewards are far better than anything this life can bring.  So, enjoy the green dress, but remember...it is temporary.  The white dress, and all it symbolizes, points to God.

Whether you're wearing the green dress or the white dress, just know that you are loved, you are being cheered on by someone, somewhere because you are NEVER ALONE. Sometimes the love is more tangible (white dress experience) but regardless, whichever dress you wear, you are NEVER ALONE.

Love,

Debbie

Mountain vs molehill

I was told recently that I make a mountain out of a molehill.  That got me to thinking....one man's trash is another man's treasure, so the saying goes.  What one considers a molehill may very well be a mountain to someone else.

I have tried on many occasions to water ski.  To no avail.  My body just refuses to get up on those two pieces of fiberglass and balance itself across the water.  Then there's my husband.  Give him a ski and there he goes!  Ski away honey!  Ski away! (Well, that was 'back in the day'....let's see what his body does NOW. ;) ).  For him, it's a molehill. Wham, bam and done.  For me, I'm still trying to climb that mountain. 

I was just reading a book last night.  One of the characters is answering her phone and all the caller can hear in the background is a fire alarm and lots of noise.  He asks her what's going on.  A moment later it's silent.  He yells, "Are you still there?  Is everything ok?"  She calmly says, "Yes, everything is fine."  He asks her what happened and why it's suddenly so quiet.  She explains, "I was baking bread and burned it AGAIN. The noise stopped because I went outside to get away from it."

Mt. Egmont, New Zealand - photo by Michael A. Stecker

Obviously baking bread is a MOUNTAIN for that character.  It would be a molehill for me.  I mean really, just follow the directions, put it in the oven and wham - 30 mins or so later you've got yourself some homemade bread.  Also, notice how she stepped away from her "mountain" for a moment?  She was going to go back in and face it and maybe even some day she would CLIMB that mountain by baking her first loaf of bread without the fire alarm going off.

Your perspective of a mountain vs a molehill may be COMPLETELY different to someone else. For instance, I enjoy running.  I run 5k's and even 10k's on occasion.  I've done a few half marathons, too (13.1 miles). When I think of running a FULL marathon my knees start to hurt and I lose my nerve to sign up.  I have friends that run full marathons (26.2 miles) and think nothing of it.  A molehill for them, right?  Well, there is MY MOUNTAIN.  I haven't ruled it out completely so I'm still dancing around that 'mountain'.

I could go on listing the differences between mountains and molehills but I think you get my drift. Who am I to tell you that your mountain is really a molehill and you need to get over it?  

Kind of like flies.  You've heard the joke, "Waiter! What is this fly doing in my soup?!"  The waiter responds, "The back stroke."  Of course it's a joke but if you pick it apart....the waiter didn't seem to see the problem with a fly in the soup.  It's just a tiny little thing.  Get over it.  Flick it out of your bowl and move on.  To the customer, that fly ruined his meal (for the record....I'm with the customer on this one!).  A fly to an elephant or a horse? Swat it away with it's tail IF he even knows the fly is there.  To us?  One fly buzzing around our picnic can ruin the whole thing.  We will spend a lot of time to rid ourselves of that fly....waiving our arms around wildly, covering our food and protecting it like it's the Hope Diamond.  We obviously deal with flies different than an elephant or horse does.

"What are you saying with all of this, Debbie?"  I'm just reminding each of us to remember that one man's mountain is another man's molehill.  You may not mind the flies buzzing around you but it may bug the heck out of someone else.  We just need to be there to uplift and support each other on our climb....whether it's climbing that mountain or stepping over that molehill.  You never know how many molehills a person has faced or what mountains they have ALREADY climbed.  And when you think you're alone (and sometimes you just may very well be alone) always remember that there's probably someone out there climbing that same mountain, struggling along the way thinking they're alone.  We are NEVER really ALONE.  I truly dislike the saying, "When you think life is hard, remember, there's someone worse off than you."  Like THAT'S supposed to make ME feel BETTER?! Instead, I like to think, "When I'm feeling alone, I'm probably not.  There's probably someone out there climbing this mountain WITH me - probably on the other side....and we've got this TOGETHER.....because we are NEVER ALONE."

Love,

Debbie

P.S.  Maybe I'll finally climb that mountain by getting up on those water skis or actually signing up and running in a marathon.....some day.  Some day.

Shine Through Adversity

Deb and Don

It's a beautiful summer day in Utah.  We are visiting there for a week while one of our boys is at a youth camp.  My husband and I enjoy the outdoors so we decided to go for a little hike.  We were told this was a "family friendly" hike and it wouldn't be too strenuous.  I don't mind a good work out but an "easy" hike sounded fun since I haven't been to the gym most of the summer (Hello! It's summer! Who has time for THAT, right?).

So, my husband reads up about a place called Donut Falls out toward Brighton Ski Village and off we go!  He told me that this place is visited by hundreds of people just about daily.  We would be lucky to find a parking spot.  Well, as luck would have it....we DID find a parking spot that didn't require us to walk a few miles before the REAL hike began.

Cute little chipmunk!

As we're walking we are passing families and young couples and even a group of girls with some leaders - so we're guessing it was a church girls camp event.  In any case, there were  A LOT of people and we weren't even at the "falls" part yet.  As we were hiking the trail we were able to admire the beauty around us.  We saw a cute little chipmunk as well as many, many, many annoying insects.

Donut Falls

When we finally arrived at the falls, it was over populated with people.  We had to cross the water, which was pretty easy, to get to the other side in order to start our climb up to the actual "donut" part (that name alone makes me hungry!).  I told my husband that there were too many people to enjoy the climb so we just sat and people watched and admired the beauty around us.

After a few minutes we decided that we had better leave because soon all those people we passed would be right here, too.  That would make this crowded place even MORE crowded.  We took a different path back down and eventually ended up on the single trail that would lead us back to our car.

You may be thinking, "That's a lot of unimportant stuff she just shared with us.  What was the purpose?"  I'm glad you asked!

You see, on the way back down - once we got back to the main path that everyone takes to get up to the falls (the hundreds of people daily) - I noticed something that I didn't notice before. There were a lot of rocks.  As we kept walking down the trail I noticed some rocks were shiny and some weren't.  I noticed some rocks were still below the surface trying to break through but the parts that were above ground were shiny.

That's when it came to me.  I'm sure someone will come up with the scientific reasoning as to why, how and what.  But, since this is my blog, I'm going to share with you MY thoughts and how it applies to my life - and since we're NEVER ALONE, I'm sure it will apply to many of you and your lives as well. :)

The "dull" rock on the side of
the trail

The rock close to the middle and
yet, not close enough to get
stepped on much

This first rock is along the SIDE of the path.  It doesn't appear to get stepped on very often, if at all. It is dull, with no shine to it at all.  Then there's this other rock I noticed.  It isn't as dull as the first rock but not as shiny as some of the others I had noticed.  It wasn't in the middle of the trail but near enough that it could be stepped on, just not as often as some of the others.  A little further down the trail I see a shiny rock with it's "head" poking through the dirt.  It is in the middle of the trail where I'm sure it gets stepped on frequently.  In fact, I even stepped on it!  Then I walk a little further and see a bunch of bigger rocks in the middle of the trail.  You basically HAVE to walk ON them in order to stay on the trail.  These rocks are in the ground and yet, above the ground and the parts that are showing are shiny.

The rock shining and breaking
through!

That's when my "ah ha" moment hit me.  We are like those rocks.  If we sit on the side of the trail of life, people may not notice us.  They may pass by without a second thought.  We will remain as we are.  Or we can be those rocks in the MIDDLE OF THE TRAIL.  Those rocks that get stepped on.  Those rocks that face adversity and RISE ABOVE IT.  Those rocks that are shining through the dirt that has been thrown at them or packed on them....and yet still keep fighting to stay above the ground.  They are shiny because of the people that have stepped on them....THE ADVERSITY THEY HAVE OVERCOME. I'm willing to bet that some of those shiny rocks have even HELPED some people along the way. Perhaps at one point they are used as a marker so the weary hiker knows, "When I see that rock I'll know I'm almost down the mountain" or the rock that gave a foothold to the hiker that needed a little boost.

So you see, as we stay in the middle of the road of life we may get stepped on.  We may have people even try and push us down further into the ground only to push themselves ahead of you.  How we respond to that adversity will determine how bright we shine.  It may take some time but eventually we will shine!  Or, we can remain on the side of the road, perhaps unnoticed and ignored, and never shine, never be who or what we could have been had we only stepped away from the side and walked the path and faced adversity head on, knowing we had it within us to keep fighting to stay on top and eventually SHINE.  

More shiny rocks

One of the bigger shiny rocks

 May we each continue to shine through the adversity we face as we keep striving to remain above ground.  And may we always know that we are NEVER ALONE on the trail of life.

Debbie